𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞 ★ leah williamson

17 - clashed

"Ellie, I'm glad you're here", Jonas began and I couldn't help but feel anxious at his opening statement, wobbling towards the empty seat across from his desk.

"Well, you uh, asked for me", I mumbled, noticing the way his gaze softened. It had been a few days since the match against United, and even though I had replied to both Leah's and Kim's text messages, with Leah apologizing to me and Kim urging me to apologize to Leah, I hadn't seen any of my teammates since, having called off the training yesterday as the pain in my ankle was only slowly subsiding.

"Yes, that's right", Jonas replied and I shuffled in my seat uncomfortably. I hadn't been shocked when he had texted me this morning, asking me to stop by in his office before joining the physios for an assessment of my ankle, but I was still nervous. Was this about the fight? Was he going to tell me off for my attitude, the way Kim had? Was he going to kick me off the team? I had no idea. My stomach grumbled nervously.

"Well, first of all, how is the ankle?"

I nodded mechanically. "Yeah, it's okay. It's getting better, I think."

"Okay, that's good. Well, supposing Gary allows you to, I'd like to see you on the pitch in Turin this weekend, but we're going to have to see what they say."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't kicked off, at least.

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you about your confidence in this team. I know that you've had quite a rough few seasons, but we all are very glad that you are here, Ellie. If you are injured, no matter if it's your ankle, or your head, or maybe your mentality, there is no shame in letting us know if you need a bit of time off. In fact, it's what we expect of our players."

I nodded once more, taking in his words. His voice was softer than it should be, for my liking, and his eyes never left mine, despite how uncomfortable this eye-contact was for me.

"Okay", I agreed, not knowing what else to say.

"Are we putting too much pressure on you?", he asked, and despite the fact that I wanted to nod again, tell him yes, I could barely breath under the weight that was mounting on my shoulders, I remained frozen. Jonas looked at me expectantly, not taking my silence for an answer. I sighed.

"It's just, I feel like I'm letting the team down when I'm not playing", I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. This conversation was making my head ache.

"But I think it's okay, you know? Pressure is a privilege", I huffed. He shook his head.

"It's not okay if it's making you play when you're injured and anxious when you're benched, Ellie. You can be honest with me, just like how I am being honest with you", he tried again, but I was too closed off for this conversation already.

"I know. I am being honest. I'll let you know, if I can't play. It's just- the way this club deals with these kind of things is something I'm still getting used to", I smiled, pushing my seat back slightly. For my liking, this conversation was done. Jonas seemed to accept that, as he himself got out of his chair.

"Please do let me know if there's anything I can do for you. We all want to watch you succeed here, Ellie. If there's anything you need-"

"I'll let you know", I nodded, smiling at him politely, before muttering a quick goodbye and finding my way to the doctor's office, praying that I would be on the pitch again for the match against Turin.

I spent the first half of my day icing my ankle, working on my foot's rotation and watching the team doctor pinch my skin nastily before making my way out of the building and into the cold, to watch the others train. It was difficult, not being out there, the way it had been just a few weeks ago, but I figured the break wouldn't hurt as much, as long as it didn't last too long. I wouldn't know how to deal with Leah and Kim if I was on the pitch with them, anyway. At least not yet.