Age Regression

13

Aida walked into her room with a smile on her face. "Baby? I got the snacks." Torri wasn't in there though. "Baby?" The closet light was on and without thinking, she looked inside but when she did, the last of her smile fell. There was Torri, standing there looking into that door, her secret door. Her heart dropped and so did the bowl she had in her hands.

      "What is all this?" Torri asked.

       Aida didn't say anything as she stumbled back, fear arising and Torri left out of the closet. "Huh? What is this?"

"This...This is me."

"Why did you hide it?"

        "I-I..."

Torri shakes her head before staring off into the distance. "This gotta stop."

"What do you mean?"

"This, in between me and you. Right now? We gotta stop it."

"But, why? I'm sorry I lied to you."

"It's not even that. You didn't even lie. You kept a whole other part of yourself from me."

"Because I was scared! I was scared, okay? I thought you'd leave me."

"And you think keeping it away would make it better? Sooner or later this was gonna come to light, rather you wanted it to or not. So, instead of dragging me on you could've just sat me down and told me straight up. This some bullshit. We been together seven months now and I'm just now finding out about this."

"Because I was scared! I just said that! I was scared of how you were gonna react. I didn't want you to react like this!"

"But, you didn't know! You didn't know how I would've reacted!"

Aida hangs her head low as she cries.

"Look, man. I ain't judging you nor do I dislike you anymore now knowing that there's another part of you."

"Then, why are you leaving me," Aida whimpers.

"I never said I was leaving you. I said this has to stop right now. As in for right now. We need time away from each other."

"No, I-I'll get better. I'll stop acting the way I do. Please don't go."

Torri shakes her head. "That's not how that works. I don't want you suppressing yourself just to be with me. Don't degrade your feelings because you want me in your life. And even if I did allow you to do that I still wouldn't be with you right now. I got a lot of shit on my plate and this just now coming to light gone be added to it cause every time I see you, ima think about this day.

Me and you need space because in order for you to get out of this, you need time alone."

"B-But I can't get out of this. This is me."

"No, it's not. You don't like that side of you and I know you don't. In the moment of regressing you might be fine with it, love it even. But, when it comes down to the affects like anxiety and not being able to talk to people, you hate it. And I can prove that because the first time we talked on the phone, you cried about it. You said you felt worthless cause you can't do anything but be scared."

        Aida cries harder.

     "See, and that's why you crying now. Because you know it's true. Your soul knows it's true. You aren't that age regressor. That's a result of something that happened in your child hood. Do you want to get better?"

        "Yes."

       "You wanna be able to go up to that job, stand up for yourself, and project your voice because you deserve too, right?"

        "Yes."

       "You're worthy, Aida. And for you to see that you need to spend time alone and go within. You need to pick yourself apart and figure out why you age regress, what caused it and all that. And for the love of God, please don't degrade yourself through all of this. Don't sit there and beat yourself up. How your little is gentle, be that gentle when you're trying to figure her out. Because it's not her fault that she's there. Because how I see it, everything happens for the greater good. And that's how I want you to see it. And when you see it that way, let this marinate on your soul: Don't blame your parents for the way you are, blame yourself for continuing to go down that path."

      In that moment, everything seemed to go in slow motion as Torri left her in the room, alone to deal with these up and running emotions. And when she heard the front door slam, she collapsed onto the floor and cried, cried so long that her head begin to hurt. This was not how she wanted things to end. Her eyes become heavy with sleep and the last thing Torri said played in her mind before she fell unconscious.

____

         Aida slowly opened her swollen and crusted eyes and the sun immediately pierced them. Ever since Torri dropped her off she's been having these nightmares. Nightmares consisting of Torri breaking up with her in the future because of the side she couldn't control. At first, Aida cried, she balled her eyes out and had a panic attack, the second time, she cried as well, but not as hard. The third time, she shot up with mere anxiety, and now today, Thursday, nothing.

She was too drained mentally. Having these dreams were so tiring, on top of having to go to work whilst suppressing her little. All she could do was lay there and lazily place her paci back into her mouth, which had fallen out sometime throughout the night. She hadn't regressed this bad in a while and it was too the point that she couldn't get herself out of it, even if she wanted to. She felt her phone vibrate near her leg but she ignored it as she soothed her self with her pacifier, her eyes slowly opening and closing. It continued to vibrate and she frowned before reaching for it.

         Baby☺️: it's been four days mama. Wassup with you? I know you see me texting and calling u. Whatever you going through yk you can come to me. Stop shutting me out.

           Aida tossed the phone without another thought and gently rubbed and pulled at the skin on her neck. She didn't wanna deal with this right now, and she had work today but she decided that she didn't wanna deal with that either. She'd rather lay in the comfort of her bed and indulge in her little. Today was the first that she would do this and she hoped to continue, no matter the consequences.

Thoughts?