BORN TO DIE

CHAPTER 5

4, JANUARY PG. 1 JOURNAL  OF YANO MCGUIRE

Theirs no words to do such immeasurable inquiry of why's the leftovers of what exactly they've done. On the top of that life's story is very interesting, heart touching in addition to those unexpected happening even the prognosticator can't really give a gist.

Actually, there are things that cannot be restored due the fragile quality embedded on that specific matter, various of hesitation, seldomly views itself as a threat. Definitely, lost in the insignificant wonder being traumatized from what is the deeds of  being an offender which all they can accepting the offence without saying any sentences of words except those tears who is left. Gutted eyes never failed to shown an emotions even it was altered in mischievous agile movement.

We learn from the past, we never learn  without hurting moreover hurting ones nor in many times been part in the name of growth, change until progress on oneself. Finding essential elements able to hold back like making a knot in order to prevent by falling in despair. However all the hard works nor prevention must commit is still useless once you've been hurt it wasn't simple to deal with constantly the leftover of those contusions is really irrevocable.

“How do i trust love, if i can't trust on myself, damn this  life  like a  big joke!”

Yano Mcguire, laugh on himself infront of the tombstones where his belove ones sculpted there. The longing in his eyes plastered already like theirs no one who can swim the deep then reach into it. He was left alone even her mother is still alive it fells she is already died on the moment which the accident happened years ago, blaming himself of not being strong, capable in order to protect those folks important in his life. What to do in such younger days even they'll killed your father infront of you due the careless actions you did, candid to uttered you can do nothing except on fears.

“Such a pathetic of mine!”

He was burst in anger, loneliness he can't think righteousness at this moment, asking himself what exactly he needs to do. Her belove mother is in coma after that incident happened shes in prison that time while the case is running shes loosing hope that's why she's committed suicide. Luckily, shes alive though it ends on mental hospital she lost herself can't deal the pessimist happenings in her life without noticing she wasn't alone their he is, still breathing and won't leave her until the end. However life is so cruel shes gone. The freight of being guilty currently he fells right now, before that his perfidious lover leave him without saying anything while he discovered entirely he said  before are all lies.

“How fool he is by believing the pompous promises from his boyfriend”

Indeed, loving is hurting it was a sentences from the song he used to listen years ago, writing ballad within his own made novel apparently he give up everything for his so called damn! boyfriend the twist of their love story is  absolutely a trauma of love.

One day he wakes up, witnessing the leak news from the gossip surrounds that his previous lover is already settled down in life, some of them shown pity, salutations of what he lost moreover can't deny many of them waiting to see him living on the abyss. His advance apology of being a judgemental through their covers however he seen them through their eyes if he made a mistake, deeply his  apology.

Continuition of  life is so hard, like you're crawling in the mud while your wholly features is tainted even when you take bath still useless. Considering the mud as a bad happenings while your feet is a reflection of your ebullient action how persistent you are to strive. Throughout, jail is collecting prisoners the home of the lost alike those inhuman deeds from criminal once the freight is overweight the chances able to escape from jail already a delusions.

If theirs a words could say to whom individuals who been part of his  story. If they could heard these phrases   of how grateful he is nor not. Perhaps, they'd rather walk away while thinking the dramatic scenes ain't suitable for him.

“I felt rue of loving you Barry!”

Indeed, loving a straight guy is excruciating. It starts on the simple greeting until unnoticeably deeply attached to each other like a bond suddenly built in the expanding space. Where it is continually develop its getting stronger then rest assured. However the functions is containing a severe defect the renovation is impossible the capacity turn into incapacity due the deeds of acquaintances who commit  adverse.

Years goes by changing oneself is not impossible we are the one who choose the path where we go, what exactly  wants is being independent sometimes made us into a slob thinking we aren't able to become successful towards  those things we aims. Holding the defenseless gears made us into unproductive in any aspect.

Currently, live as who we are cutting ties from the past thrown those excruciating memories built yourself like making a new page again, write those Non-lexical expressions, learn to adapt what's exactly exist surround, Having empathy on oneself then it reflection the deeds to other folks.

“My life is like broken glass which never be restored, however it is continually moving.....”

From that day , Yano pack all his belongings took a flight into  Spain  the place where his father born, he thinks leaving in Philippines is not bad decision. He will starts his journey there being an artist, a known painter and also a writer, his job is demure though it suited he guess cause reminiscing his younger days he isn't sociable entirely, his school life surrounded at home, family, himself  until his boyfriend came which right his ex-boyfriend. Although he have friends however it is casually a temporary cause he haven't a closest one.

On the airplane entirely, he seen those fog while he's conscious flown along with silence still it is inevitable he felt gutted from where he been through without a notice teardrop fall from his emotionless eyes.