The Last One

nineteen

"How are you this morning?" Finan asked over his cup of ale.

I wrinkled my nose. "Early for ale, isn't it?"

He laughed, "Never."

It had been three days. I had been wandering around Rumcofa, lost in my own thoughts and wishing after revenge. More revenge. Killing some of his men wasn't enough, I wanted to reach the big guy. Eventually, though, I grew tired of the repetitive thoughts of killing Erik or dying myself in a million different scenarios.

I had set on the docks for a while, watching as ships came and went bringing and taking various items and people. I considered what it would be like to do that instead. Maybe I could hop on a trade ship and disappear. Maybe to the homeland of my people. I had never even seen Denmark before.

You're not a real Dane. My inner voice had reminded me. Besides, I had sworn an oath to Uhtred, I could not abandon him now. Even still, I let myself live in the fantasy, imagining what it would be like on the open water. To feel the freedom of running away thrumming in my veins like the wind whipping through my hair, but it was but a dream of a dream.

I snapped back to Finan. What had he asked? How was I? That was an excellent question. "I am.. still alive."

He took a sip of ale. "Until the last," he bumped his cup against mine.

"Until the last." I repeated. The term had kind of become our little thing to solidify our friendship. Like a little inside joke, except it wasn't funny as much as it was a comfort. I smiled, feeling comforted by the comraderie between us.

"Where is Sihtric? I haven't seen him since we got back." I wondered if he was avoiding me again and my blood pressure spiked. I really could not take much more of this game if he was playing again.

Finan shrugged. "Uhtred sent him to find the camp on the river."

My heart thudded in my chest. "What?" My voice felt small as it squeezed out. "Without me?"

"Aye," Finan took a mouthful of eggs, "You need to rest, remember?"

"But.. what if something happens and he's all alone?" Worry settled over my body. He was all alone. In Dane Land. It was my fault because I had been distracted and then an emotional wreck too consumed with my own self-pity to be of use.

Finan snorted. "He will be fine. He does stuff like this all the time."

I guessed that was true enough, but I felt responsible for his having to do it alone, and further than that, I was worried about his well-being, and I missed his presence. My cheeks flushed red as the realization of how much I cared for him became a reality.

"When will he be back?" I was anxious for the answer, and I wondered too if he had revealed our hope for a relationship to Uhtred. I didn't think he had. If he had revealed it, Uhtred probably would have spoken to me about it by now.

Finan shrugged. "It usually doesn't take him too long.. a few days, maybe?"

Was that a question? My heart pounded, and each new thump seemed to bounce another thought around in my head, but mostly the idea that overlapped was that I wanted him here, next to me.

"You two are friends again then?" He took another bite of egg.

I tried to avoid eye contact as I sipped my tea to cover my blush. "Umm.. yeah. We just don't always see eye to eye."

"Clearly," Finan sighed.

"Well, you know how he is," I reasoned, but I really didn't want to go further in the explanation, I just hoped he accepted this as a good enough answer.