emotions.

I.

       "Boy what the fuck is wrong with you?! How the hell you think you're grown enough to be impregnating someone? Come in here talkin' to me about a damn baby, I'm looking at one." My mama spatted out.
Knew she wasn't gonna take this shit well. I wasn't a fuckin' baby anymore. I'm a high school graduate, I'll be 18 next month, and already got a couple interviews  lined up. But you think she let me get a word in edgewise?
"You're only 17 Sean." She exhaling deeply.
"For 2 weeks." I mumbled under my breath.
"Huh? You say somethin' Sean? I ain't hear you."
"I said I'm only 17 for 2 more weeks, Ma." I said, wanting to roll my eyes but knowing better.
"Okay, and? You think just 'cause you almost legal makes this alright?"
"Dad wouldn't be mad like you are right now."
From the look of her face I know I just hit a nerve.
"Your father wouldn't be mad cause like your father, he got a girl pregnant and do you think he stuck around to take care of the child?"
"I know he didn't."
"So my point is made."
"But it's not." I challenged.
"What does him abandoning his children have to do with me? I'm almost 18, received my high school diploma and already have 3 interviews lined up for next week. And from what I checked the other night my credit score is WAY above average for any almost-18 year old."
She sighed a heavy breath and shook her head.
"I see you had all of this already planned out huh?"
"Ma, I know what I did wasn't ideal for my age but I'm not my father. I'm gonna take care of my responsibilities and that baby boy growing inside India won't ever have to wonder if I'll disappear because I'm not."
"I hope not, son. You laid there and did it yo' ass better be man enough to take care of him. Cause I tell you right now, Mama ain't raising no more babies." She retorted, grabbing a beer from out of the fridge.
"I'll show you better than I can tell you, Ma." I said confidently.
"Yall came up with a name yet?"
"Julian Sean Conwell."
My mother eyes widened in what I'm guessing was amazement.
"She's letting the baby have your last name?"
"Yes, she is."
"Well... it seems y'all got it all figured out. Don't disappoint me baby." She patted my chest and walked to her room.
I let out a deep exhale and was thankful the hard part was over. Long as she was on board to be a grandma I didn't need anything else from her. I was determined to make sure my son is well tooken care of. My father did abandon me and my mom when I was little. Though I don't hold it against him, our relationship wasn't as strong as I know it could be, but that wasn't really important to me anymore. I spent years upon years trying to be the son he actually wanted to show his face around, but it never happened. So I moved on, without him. Now I got a little boy ready to come into this earth, it's not about me anymore it's all about him. Just thinking about him saying his first words made me smile so big my cheeks started to hurt. I'm gonna be a good dad, I'll make my kid proud and hopefully my mama proud too.
I decided to finally go lay down for the night and get my thoughts together. India had 4 more months left to go and the more her stomach grew the more anxious I became. A good kind of anxious. I really couldn't wait to hold my son for the first time. I finally drifted off to sleep, as I dreamed about him and the little family I created.