emotions

I.

"He text you back big bro?" My little brother asked, passing the blunt in my direction.
"Nah, he didn't." I let out a long sigh as I waited a 5th hour for a text I knew I wouldn't receive.
My little brother put his arms around me.
"It's gon' be okay, big bro."
I looked up at him with tears threatening to escape.
"What if it's not?"
I wiped my eyes and continued.
"What if that bitch has him totally fuckin' brainwashed he can't think straight anymore?"
I just watched him shake his head.
"I don't know why he even married her."
"'Cause she's a trap. She seen one thing he seen one thing, boom. The two worlds collide."
"Yeah, I feel you on that. He's never really around anymore."
"Because of her. She doesn't want him around his kids, only hers. How many times you seen him since he got married to her a few years back?"
I sat back and waited as my brother tried to reminisce on the times he's seen our absentee father since he married Cruella DeVil herself.
"Uh... maybe twice?"
I shook my head in disappointment.
"Twice in 3 years lil' bro? That's fuckin' ridiculous. Her ditzy ass doesn't want him to see you."
"Damn. Bad as it sounds, it makes sense. His whole life is them other kids."
My father was the donor of 6 healthy babies, barely knew 1 was even alive, abandoned 3, gay-shamed 2 and takes actual care of 1. Much as I tried to forgive that part, it became irrelevant when she came into the picture. Everything was going just fine, until this weird lookin' bitch showed up.
      Markisha Montgomery unfortunately earned the title of my "Step Mother" 3 years ago. She was a pretty decent person at first, but as most people, her true colors came out the more time she was around. She became manipulative, conniving and untrustworthy all in the blink of an eye. She always had this weird forsaken feeling that she knew everything about what my brothers and I endured with our father. Especially me. But me, being the more abrasive out of all of us, I frequently reminded her that she just came into the picture, all of the shit we went through with him her ass couldn't fathom what was true or false. Whether it was him telling her or not. He often had the habit of not always telling the whole story about things. Pieces of the story that made him the bad guy. Though in her mind, even if he was wrong he wasn't. Yet and still I kept trying to salvage a relationship with her. For him.
It got so bad she would make up stories about me talking bad about her and tell my father. Without a hint of doubt he always believed her. No matter how many times I denied her stupid ass attempts to break us apart. It sure didn't stop her evil ass from trying. I often wondered why she hated the thought of him being around us so much. Did she think he wouldn't have time for her? Did she want him all to herself? All of these questions I knew would never be answered now. Not after that.
A snap of some fingers broke my deep silence.
"Big bro? You good?" William asked shaking me.
"Yeah." I said shaking my head, I didn't know I had zoned out that bad.
"Thinkin' about it?" He said.
"Yeah, man. They violated the fuck outta me with that last one."
"He called you a what again?"
"He called me a slut, in so many words. 'Cause of what happened with Richard."
My brother's head sunk down and remained quiet for a while, he knew about my little run in with Cruella's drunken ass cousin Richard.
When I first met Cruella, I felt a strong connection in the beginning like I had mentioned earlier. I told her pretty much all about my self. My lifestyle, my sexuality, some of my deepest secrets and thoughts. She seemed interested enough to share with me she had a cousin who shared similar interests as mine. Being single, I figured I didn't have much to lose, so I agreed to slide him my number. Things hit off instantly between Richard and I, but I knew from the jump he wasn't husband material. Hell, he wasn't relationship material either. I figure he just someone I could kick it with, a homie I fucked every now and then. Nothing major at all. Crazy part was there was never a time Richard got on FaceTime with me that he didn't have a bottle of liquor in his hand. Dark. Light. Both. It seemed to be apart of him. That part of him her ass terribly failed to mention. He wasn't a rude drunk like the ones I was use to though, so it didn't really bother me as much. I still continued to talk to him. One weekend they all came down, they got rooms and we all hung out. Obviously wanting to see me as much as I did him, I spent the night with him. I might've slipped him the head and dipped, but I said my goodbyes. Something really important came up, he understood. I don't know why they just pretended to.
The next week or so I got a text message alerting me Richard couldn't keep his big ass mouth shut and went and told his cousin about what happened that night. Word got around, rather quickly, and I was greeted to a very rude phone call one day I was at work.
"So you and Richard huh?" My pops said to me last.
"Yes. What about it?"
"Little too fast. All I'm gonna say."
"Pop you act like we not all grown? I'm 27..." I tried to reason, but whatever he was feeling about it he wasn't letting up.
"Still. Out here being easy I don't really like that."
"Well damn, you act like I'm fucking the whole city. I been single for two years, what I'm suppose to do? Crawl under a rock. 'Cause I'm gay I'm not allowed to explore my sexuality like the "straight" kids huh?" I screamed, realizing I let the better of me into this conversation.
"You know what? Fuck it. Do who ever!" And with that he hung up. Hadn't heard from him since.
"You ever thought about reaching out to him again?" My little brother chimed in, snapping me back to reality.
"I did. But, as it seems, everything has to go through her. I just wanna talk to my Dad unsupervised, like I use to be able to."
"I understand big bro, it'll happen. I promise."
I looked at my brother, and pulled him in for a tight hug.
"I love you man, just let y'all's relationship flourish. It may be over for me for real this time." I let out a tear as he hugged me tighter.
If only it wasn't over.