empty ~ kurotsuki

𖡎 still an intrusive thought 𖡎

the building that held the interhigh prelims was crowded as hell. people were walking shoulder to shoulder, and the chattering voices of players and visitors danced within the atmosphere to create an unpleasant white noise. it was warm and had a musty smell of floor wax, sweat, and cheap air fresheners to violate the nostrils. 

the team had gathered in a small hallway that was blocked off for the players to get ready. tsukishima sat down beside his duffle bag, back and head against the wall. he watched as the chaos around him ensued amongst his team members, blocking out all the irritating sounds with his somy headphones. kageyama and hinata were bickering incessantly, tanaka and nishinoya were hyping each other up and talking about all the girls that were attending, and tadashi was entertaining the first years. how annoying.

"duuuude!" tanaka beamed. "do you see how many chicks are here?!"

"all the babes!" nishinoya cried, falling to his knees and raising his head to the sky. "it's too much!"

tanaka yanked off his club shirt and waved it around. "let's show the ladies what karasuno is all about! RAAAAAAAA!"

morons. you'd think being third years now, they'd mature a bit. that's just false hope.

captain daichi's successor, ennoshita, marched towards them with steam coming out of his ears and frustration creasing his forehead. "would you two idiots shut up? you are embarrassing the whole team, you know that?"

after both mumbled apologies, ennoshita spoke up again. "alright, guys. we need to be changed into our jerseys and headed to warm-up in 10 minutes!"

tadashi sat next to tsukishima and tapped his shoulder. "tsukki, did you hear captain?"

tsukishima hummed. "yes. i heard. i'm going to wait for a bathroom to open up."

tadashi raised an eyebrow. "why not do it out here? you already have your shorts on, and we all change our shirts out here anyway."

"yeah, no. i'm good." he hid his rising insecurity behind a bored, stoic look. the last thing tsukishima wanted was for everyone to see more of what he saw. he didn't feel the need to scar people's eyes with a disgraceful body that looked like melted ice cream. 

without another word, tsukishima made his way to an open, private washroom. once his club shirt swapped with his jersey, tsukishima looked in the mirror, immediately reminded of the events that took place earlier that morning.

every second he stared into his reflection was every foot deeper his mind was digging. the churning feeling in his stomach returned, but it wasn't hunger. shame. disgust. repulsion. guilt. 

tsukishima was rather intelligent for his age: taking advanced classes in his second year, having a 10-year-long streak of straight A's, and being in the top three in his class of academics since his first year of middle school. he was always calm and rational in his decision-making, never entertaining engagement in stupid, risky behaviors. 

however, it appeared as though his mind had slowly warped the concept of rationality every time his eyes laid on himself. another voice was in control.

didn't know if it was wise to listen,
but what could it hurt to try?

***

"go, go, karasuno. push it, push it, karasuno!" the crowd on the east side cheered. the student section was pretty full today, considering it was only the interhigh prelims. i guess making it to nationals last year piqued more interest even for smaller matches, tsukishima thought.

their first match was against johzenji, the team karasuno defeated in the prelims last year. they were in for an entertaining match.

despite the sounds of drumming thunder sticks, cheers from the crowds, whistle blowing, balls bouncing, and even tanaka's boisterous sister, tsukishima heard a deep voice yell that made him stop in his tracks. "go tsukkiiiii!"