the numbers keep decreasing
this ordeal is becoming routine, check
mirrors are an objective reflection of a person. they display exactly what is put in front of it. the truth is always revealed.
arms, back, neck, thighs
suck it in and pinch my sides
tsukishima was pinching up a minuscule amount of skin on every surface of his body. his bones and veins were more prominent. when he drew in a breath, the reflection showed the ridges of his ribs with a hollow space above his navel. he noticed very tiny, thin hairs covering his skin that made him feel itchy.
the mirror displayed a withered figure that would usually be seen as a halloween decoration. tsukishima saw no difference in himself. it wasn't enough. he was still too heavy. he was still disgusting. looking at himself and seeing a figure so appallingly hideous made his heart sink and tears fall.
numbers...
it all comes down to numbers
tsukishima reluctantly stepped on the scale, stripped down in only his boxers while shielding his chest with his arms. his heart was beating frantically as the scale started blinking.
41.7 kilograms (91.9 pounds).
no, tsukishima thought. that can't be right. that's not right.
he stepped off the scale and back on again, expecting to see a different number. the true number.
41.7 kilograms.
"fuck!" tsukishima shouted, picking up his bottle of laxatives and chucking it harshly at his bathroom wall. pills were now scattered all over the floor. he didn't stop there. he swiped everything off of his counter and slammed his head and back against the wall.
the scales are betraying me
the mirror is a lie
***
the charter bus finally arrived in tokyo at the ripe hour of 9 in the morning. waiting for them outside was kuroo, daichi, suga, asahi, akaashi, bokuto, and kenma. the team tiredly exited the bus, being greeted by those on the outside. some were ecstatic and loud, sharing high-fives and back pats with their alumni. the first years were just kinda standing off wondering what the hell was up with their seniors.
kuroo made his way over to tsukishima, quickly embracing him in a tight hug and burying his face in the taller boy's neck. he took in the blond's lavender-vanilla scent. "i'm happy to see you, babe," his words muffled in tsukishima's neck.
tsukishima hummed at the contact, reciprocating kuroo's embrace. "i missed you so much."
they both pulled away from the hug and were face-to-face with one another. kuroo's smile immediately turned into a frown once catching a full glimpse of the blond. the tsukishima he saw almost a month ago was anomalous to the tsukishima that was in front of him. kuroo's heart was pounding on his chest in intense worry, and he grabbed tsukishima's wrist softly. "kei."
tsukishima just looked to the side to break the interrogating eye contact. he felt like he was being thoroughly analyzed and the discomfort was suffocating.
kuroo put his hand on tsukishima's cheek. "kei, what happened to-"
"alright, children!" bokuto yelled, interrupting kuroo. "let's quit slackin', get changed, and play some kick-ass volleyball!"
the players outside, other than the couple, cheered and began advancing toward the gym. tsukishima took this opportunity to break away from kuroo, ignoring the holler of his name.
YOU ARE READING
empty ~ kurotsuki
Fanfiction"the secret is to just be empty." his reflection looms over him as if it were a giant wave waiting to devour him. he feels the noose of his subconscious grow tighter, suffocating him with the voices of dysmorphia. as it tightens, his control begins...
