Before, After & In-between

Chapter 16 - Now

I help Darrin fold back the soft top on his Jeep and we ride home under the stars. The warm air whips my hair wildly in front of my face and I'm suddenly that girl in the movies. My head flings back, my eyes closed to the sky, I reach my arms up and they float freely above my head like I'm on the ride of my life. Darrin laughs at me, and the small bud inside my heart continues to blossom. It grows with each smile, each touch of his hand, each kiss of his lips, he doesn't know it but he's healing me inside and out.

We pull into my driveway but I'm not ready for this night to end, to say goodbye, to wait another twelve hours before I can see him again.

"That was so fun," I say breathless, attempting to comb the knotted hair around my fingers, "I had a really good time tonight."

"So did I," his jeep idles in the silence of the sleepy neighborhood, "thank you for opening up to me, I want you to know I don't take that for granted."

"I know," I look down and blush, open my mouth but close it again, scared and nervous to say what I want to say.

"What?" he smiles, "what is it?"

"I know this is going to sound...crazy," my bravery becomes overwhelming, 'but when I'm with you I'm the happiest I've been in a long time."

"Same," he says, "and when I'm not with you, I miss you like crazy."

"Same," I say.

I'd be lying if I said this happiness doesn't terrify me, doesn't make me question if it's all too good to be true, question if I'm actually allowed to be this happy after everything, with everything.

"I really like you Darrin," I mumble softly, even though I can't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

He grins, then leans over and kisses me quickly, "I really like you too, like a lot," his words make my heartbeat so fast it hurts, yet at the same time.... "Was that the wrong thing to say?" he worries.

I bite my lip and fiddle with the hangnail on my pinky finger, I've prodded it to the point of rawness, and I watch as the small tear of blood pools near my cuticle, "No, it's not that...everything you say makes me feel..." I breathe in deeply my chest rising and falling, "I guess I just don't want to drag you down," I wince.

"What?" he practically laughs, "how could you drag me down?" He says it like he knows it's a far cry from reality, like it's impossible that I could be anything but perfect.

"My life is..." my breath trembles, "upside down," I say honestly, "and I worry...that maybe you'll figure out how damaged I really am and get scared off..."

He reaches for me, "Come here," he helps me scoot across the center console awkwardly dodging the stick shift until I'm sitting in his lap, squished between the steering wheel and his body. His heart beats heavily through his chest into me as he holds me tight, "That's not true, not true at all. I want you Katy, I want you just how you are."

I pull back, "But why?"

"Oh, the many reasons," he sighs, "okay, I don't know how to say this without sounding super lame, but, there's something about you Katy Stevens," he chuckles, "since the first day I saw you...well smelling books at the Nook I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," he pulls me into his chest, "nothing about you could scare me off."

"Oh."

"Oh that was lame, or oh you understand?"

"No, that was lame," I laugh, teasing him, "definitely lame."

The corner of his mouth lifts as he nods in agreement, "You know what I mean," his fingers run the length of my hair messing with the tangles, "I've never met anyone like you, you're real...and that is refreshing to me."