Before, After & In-between

Chapter 26 - Now

The sun has been up for time now yet I have no idea how long I've been awake or if I'm really awake or sleeping or trapped in the fogginess that's filled my mind. I try to sit up but my body refuses, fighting and forcing me to surrender once again. I fall back into my pillows, back into the hollowness. A burning pain throbs behind my eyes as I strain to see what time it is followed by disappointment when I realize how early it is and that I have an entire day to face.

It's been two weeks since Halifax, since the truth came out and everything changed. The look on my dad's face when he arrived and Coach Pearce told him what had happened, what was happening has scarred me, I think for life. He almost laughed at first at the unimaginable tale she was telling. At the ridiculousness of it but when he stared at me, through me, past me waiting for a rebuttal, all I could do was nod and sob apologizing until my words became incoherent. After some time we drove home in shocked silence, neither of us knowing how to move forward with this new revelation.

Once I got home and the gravity of what I'd done settled in I've been paralyzed with regret. Regret for what I said to Darrin, how I hurt him, how I lied to him thinking I was protecting him. Now I am the one hurting ten-fold. I've texted, I've called, I've gone to voicemail over and over yet he hasn't returned any. And I can't blame him he probably hates me.

Whatever energy I have is consumed by my broken heart. My broken heart, that I broke. It reminds me of the days following my moms death where that heavy weight sits upon my chest. My heart palpitates painfully, every beat like a punch over and over and I wonder it I will ever stop hurting.

"Katy?" Jake stands at my door. He's been awfully quiet the last few weeks, tiptoeing around the tension, only adding to the unease settled in my stomach, "do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"No." I roll over and away from him.

"Katy, come on," he pushes his way into my room and plops his lanky frame at the end of my bed, "you can't stay in here forever."

"I think I can."

He looks around and sniffs, "It smells."

"You smell."

He rolls his eyes and huffs, "Okay, you asked for it," he stands up smirking, "don't say I didn't warn you."

"Jake, what do you want?" I say aggravated by his pestering, but he only pauses and chuckles before curling the edge of my comforter into his fist, and it dawns on me, "don't you dare." I look at him scornfully.

With one swift pull my comforter goes flying off the bed, off my body causing a gust of wind to ruffle my hair.

"JAAKKKKEEE!" I scream.

But he bellows in laughter and runs from my room clutching the comforter to his chest. He thinks he's clever does he? This is the oldest trick in the book and my mom's favorite trick when we wouldn't get up for school. The competitive sibling rivalry simmers in my jaw, and with an angry grunt I jump from my bed and race down the hall after him. He slams his door before I catch him.

"Jacob," my fist pounds incessantly, "you better open this door before I kick it down!" his laughter continues on the other side, only angering me further, "you don't think I'll do it do you? Fine then...one, two....thr—" as my foot prepares to connect with the solid oak door it flies open sending me toppling across his bedroom floor.

I lay flat on my face as my comforter floats down around me, "You're..." I bite my tongue.

"The best brother ever?"

My lips press into a firm line and I breathe heavily through my nose, "Not exactly what I had in mind."

"See, told you."