The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 12

Marissa dropped Bowie and me off at their house. Bowie lent me some sweatpants and a t-shirt, and after I changed, he led me to the living room and showed me his DVD collection. We were silently picking out movies to watch. I kept stealing glances at him every so often. It was strange to me that we had been spending so much time together, but it felt natural. I was grateful to have him since Osbourne wasn't going to be around anymore.

Bowie cleared his throat and asked, "So, are we going to talk about whatever happened with you and Jack?"

My chest felt tight, and I struggled to push down the heartache I felt. "I don't really want to, but I think we have to. Don't we?"

He turned to me and grabbed my arm, pulling my attention to him. I looked at him, and he looked worried. I looked into his eyes, and tears welled up in mine. A strangled sob left my chest as the tears fell from my eyes. He pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly as I sobbed on his shoulder. He rubbed my back in an attempt to comfort me. It only made me sob harder. All of the emotions I had been trying so hard to suppress were released.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear, "it's okay. Everything is gonna be okay."

I took a deep breath and pulled away. He held my shoulders, and I looked at him, tears still flowing down my face. "How do you know that? My parents are gone. Ozzie is gone. Who the hell is gonna make cookies with me now?"

Bowie pulled me into him as I began sobbing again. "It's going to be okay because you're not alone. You have other people who care about you. And as for making cookies, fuck, Del. I'll make cookies with you."

I nodded against his shoulder, slowly calming down. "I don't wanna make cookies right now. I miss Mom too much."

He chuckled, "Well, we don't have to make them right now. I'll make cookies with you anytime you want. And I mean that. If you get upset at two in the morning and want to make cookies, I'm just a phone call away. Hell, you can just show up here and drag my ass out of bed."

I pulled away, chuckling. I wiped my face on the sleeves of my sweater. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I smiled sadly at him. "Thanks."

He ruffled my hair and said, "Anytime."

I sighed sadly. "Things are over between me and Ozzy."

"What happened?"

"I don't know. Assumptions, misunderstandings. Small things happening at the wrong time, meaning he's not here when it matters the most."

"I need a little clarification here."

I told Bowie everything that had happened the last time I saw Osbourne, my face turning bright red when I alluded to the intimate moment that ultimately ended things. Saying it all aloud made it feel so final, and my heart broke again. In that moment, I felt so empty. Too much had happened in such a short period of time, and I knew I'd never be the same.

After a moment, Bowie asked, "You don't think explaining things will fix anything?"

Tears fell from my eyes as I looked at him. "If he had shown up today, I would think so. But I needed him today, and he wasn't there. I can't let that go."

He nodded and said, "I understand. He should've been there today."

"What makes it hurt so much more, I knew he wouldn't come, but I still hoped that he would."

He looked at me with sad eyes. "Delta, maybe it's a good thing he didn't come."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shakily.

He sighed, looked away, and ran his hand through his hair. "You guys were just getting started with your relationship. Relying on someone to fix the amount of grief you're experiencing isn't a healthy way to begin a relationship. I get that he makes you feel good, and he makes you happy. I know you just wanted him to be there for you, but I think you might benefit more to navigate this without him."

"You think I should face losing my parents on my own?" I asked as an overwhelming feeling of loneliness filled my chest.

"That's not really what I meant." He sighed heavily. "I'm not the greatest at explaining things. I just mean that you're going to have to relearn how to live. Your daily routine is never going to be the same, and it might be easier to learn how to live again if you don't have someone to fill your mind with and push away the grief. You have to face it at some point, and it's better to face it sooner rather than later. Does that make sense?"

I nodded, looking down at my feet. "Yeah, I get what you're saying."

"I wish you didn't have to go through all of this. It really sucks."

I surprised him by wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. "I'm really glad I at least have you to tell me all of this. It helps a lot."

He hugged me back and mumbled, "Anytime."

We pulled away, and we just looked at each other. He pushed some hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. Suddenly, we heard the front door open and close. We quickly pulled away from each other and walked into the kitchen to see Marissa setting grocery bags down on the table. She had really gone crazy buying a bunch of junk food.

"Here are some snacks for tonight, and I'll order some pizza. Did you two pick out some movies to watch tonight?"

"Yeah, we picked out a few," Bowie answered.

"Sweet. What kind of pizza do you kids want?"

"Pepperoni," Bowie and I said at the same time.

"Pepperoni, easy enough. Why don't you two get the snacks and movie set up while I go get my laptop and order the pizza?"

"Okay," I mumbled while Bowie said, "Sure."

We carried all the Walmart bags into the living room and dumped the snacks onto the coffee table. There were Doritos, plain Lays, barbeque Lays, a giant bag of MnM's, Twizzlers, pretzels, Veggie Straws, and a variety bag of Hershey's chocolates. "Does your mom normally buy stuff like this for movie nights?"

"No. She was probably trying to make sure she had something you like. She should've just asked what kind of snacks you like."

"So, what does she normally buy?"
"Chips and Twizzlers."

I couldn't help but laugh at how much extra junk she had bought. "She really went overboard then."

Bowie chuckled and said, "Definitely."

"Okay, pizza is ordered." Marissa stood in the doorway, looking at us with concern. "Please tell me you like at least one of those snacks."

I smiled at her and said, "I like most of these snacks."

She sighed before walking over and plopping down beside me on the couch. "Thank goodness. I was worried I screwed up because I forgot to ask you what you liked."

"You know, if you wanted to know what she liked, you could've called," Bowie teased his mom.

"I didn't think of that, Smarty-pants."

I chuckled at their bickering, and for a moment, I didn't feel so broken and alone.

We spent the night watching movie after movie. Marissa went to bed around 11:00, but Bowie and I stayed up much later. For the first time since my parents died, I didn't have trouble falling asleep. I didn't spend hours lying awake, crying, and thinking about all the things my parents would miss out on. It was the first night I didn't have to feel like my entire life was falling apart.