The Way We Say Goodbye

Chapter 20

Bowie and I arrived at his house, and it made me remember the last time I had been there. I let out a heavy sigh and sniffled. My eyes were puffy from crying.

"Del, you'll be okay."

I turned and looked at Bowie. I gave him a sad smile and asked, "When?"

He looked thoughtful as he stood there with his hands in his pockets. "I don't know. It'll take time." I simply nodded in response.

"Del, can I ask you something?"

I looked at him inquisitively. "Is this something we should sit down for?"

"Sure," he replied before leading me to the living room.

We sat beside each other, each with one leg folded under the other and turned so that we were facing each other. We sat in silence as he seemed to be caught in thought. Finally, I cleared my throat and asked, "So what did you want to ask me?"

"Why are you hanging out with Zen and his friends?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "How do you know Zen?"

"How do you?" he evaded.

"I asked you first," I clipped back.

"Del," he exclaimed in an exacerbated tone.

"Bowie," I snipped back. I huffed and started again, "I'll answer whatever you want if you tell me how you know Zen."

Bowie rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. "Everyone around here knows Zen and his stoner pals. They're always hanging around the parks and getting high. Occasionally, they enjoy partaking in vandalism."

"What kinds of vandalism?" I asked nervously.

"Just small stuff like graffiti or taking shopping carts and leaving them in yards or crashing them into the sides of cars like they did to my mom's car."

"I'm sorry they did that," I apologized quietly.

"It's not your fault, and you weren't with them. Now, back to my original question. Why are you hanging out with them?"

I shrugged my shoulders before sighing. "I like that they don't look at me like I should fall apart, like I am falling apart. Being with them, I can forget everything for a while. They don't ask me if I'm okay every time they see me. They just let me be. We smoke; we goof off; we swing."

"You swing?"

I chuckled and smiled at him. "Yeah, that's what we did all day today. We smoked and took turns pushing each other on the swings."

"You know, when I said you shouldn't rely on someone to fix everything for you, I didn't mean replace the people in your life with pot," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. "I know. I know this isn't a good solution, and I know it very well might make things worse. But right now, it's giving me the release I need to breathe."

"How ironic that you need to smoke so that you can breathe."

I laughed before settling into silence. After a moment, I asked, "Are you mad at me?"

He furrowed his eyebrows as his gaze scanned over me. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"For hanging out with Zen and them and smoking?"

He sighed and looked away for a moment before looking me in the eyes. A serious expression washed over his features. "I don't agree with how you're handling things, but I also told you that you needed to work through this in your own way and learn to live on your own. If this is how you're working through things, then I'll respect that. The great thing about friends is you don't always have to agree and see eye-to-eye on things. I'm not mad at you. Even if I don't agree with you or particularly like your new choice of friends."

Tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I leaned over and pulled him in a hug. "Thank you. I was so scared you were going to be mad at me."

He pulled me closer to him and rubbed my back. He said, quietly, to me, "You don't have to worry. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to worry about losing me too."