Mafia's Ex Wife

Chapter Sixteen

Elisabeth

Seeing Harper and Jax together makes me feel sick. Sick with regret. Sick with fear. Sick with myself.

I know I made the right choice for us at the time, but now it feels different. As hard as I've tried to fight off the what ifs, it's next to impossible when their matching almond eyes are staring me in the face. Anyone with half a brain can tell she's his... so why hasn't he asked me?

I've thought about this moment since the very second I found out I was pregnant. When I left, I had no idea if I was having a girl or a boy, but I dreamt about seeing a tiny, scrunchy baby curled up on those strong, tattooed arms. And once I knew it was a girl, my dreams only got more vivid. The way he'd love on her. Protect her and spoil her. Late nights of the two of us pacing the hall, trying to get her to sleep. How he'd light up with her smile and she'd twaddle toward him with her arms outstretched cooing "Da-da."

It was what kept me going those first few months on my own. That maybe he'd find out what really happened and come after us. We could finally have the life we wanted, away from his parents and away from the Mafia. The longer it went on, though, it was clear that wasn't going to happen. That Marlena either covered the whole thing up or spun it in some way so that I was the bad guy.

Jax never knew about the baby, and selfishly, I wanted to be enough for him to make the decision to leave and to come after me. And when he didn't, I picked myself up and moved on, like I always do.

I resigned myself to the fact that maybe I was wrong. Maybe all those dreams were mine, and he was just humoring me. That maybe I was the one who wanted the family and the moral life for us. That what he truly wanted was to take over for his dad and run things in exactly the same way, and my leaving gave him the permission to do that.

"Think it's clean enough?" His voice pulls me out of whatever trance I've been in. I don't know how long I've been standing at the sink, furiously scrubbing at this stupid plate, but my heart is nearly beating out of my chest with nerves.

"Sorry." I blush, turning the water off and wiping my hands clean.

Jax gives me a smile that's tough to read as I sit down next to him at the counter. "Look, I get how awkward this is. Let's just look at the files and I'll get out of here."

I want to tell him that I don't want him to leave. That having him here makes me feel more myself in this house than I've felt in years. That it's only awkward because I wish it was him so badly sometimes that it hurts.

But I don't. Instead, I nod, biting back a tear before he can see it.

"Okay," I suck in a sharp breath, typing in my password and opening my email. "There' are a few different reports. This first one is the coroner's report..."

Jax tenses, his brow furrowed as he stares at the screen, bracing himself for whatever we're about to find out. This isn't easy on him and it breaks me to see even the slightest crack in his tough demeanor. That was always the side of him I was drawn to the most. Late at night, in the dark, when he let his guard down and his vulnerability out, his heart shining through.

Moving the laptop over, I let him take the lead. He scrolls through the first few pages quickly, because it's what we already know.

Blunt force trauma. Extreme blood loss. Overkill. Aggregated homicide.

I keep it together until he gets to the pictures.

"Oh..." I gasp out loud, heavy tears pooling in my eyes, and I have to look away. The sight of Emily that way puts a cement block on my chest, the pressure so intense I can barely breathe.