𝑨𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

𝑡𝒉𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑛 ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃⁱʳ

13th September 850
Tomorrow will be the day we take back Shiganshina and I'm certain we will. I had the opportunity to present a possible strategy to the Commander, the Section Commanders and the Captain in a meeting today. Commander Smith decided to go with my concept and promised me a promotion if it works. The truth is, I don't think I'll need it. My visions end by tomorrow, and I have reason to believe that it will be my last day on Earth. Not only will it be mine, but so many more will die. I find the deaths of Armin and Moblit especially devastating, but I have chosen not to tell them. Their dedication is remarkable, and their loss will compensate for the lives of others.

I thought about talking to Captain Ackerman one last time. Things have been icy between us ever since what happened in the forest, especially after he found out the truth about Kenny Ackerman. Before the killer died, it was revealed that he was Levi's uncle, it must have been devastating for him. I'd be lying about my feelings if I didn't say that my heart flatters every time he looks at me, but things aren't the same anymore. I miss the days when I disliked him, when it was easier to hate him than to love him.

You put the pencil down on the desk and lean back in your seat, relaxing against the wood as you close your eyes. Your muscles ached from training and your head ached from dinner. You had eaten meat for the first time in months, and so had the rest of the scouts and guides, hungry teenagers and adults fighting over a piece of steak or chicken tenders. It was both amusing and exhausting to watch. You sat in between Hange and Marlene while you made fun of them with the other squad leaders Dirk and Klaus. Levi ate quietly and didn't bother to show any form of enjoyment, as usual. Soon after, Klaus declared that he wanted one last night out before the mission, probably expecting it to be his last. Most of the higher-ups agreed, everyone except Captain Levi. He just rolled his eyes at the idea and glared at you when you agreed to join them later that night.

That was a few minutes ago, now you are not so sure it was a good idea. You've never been close to any of the group leaders, except for Levi once. But he made it clear that you were nothing more than his second-in-command, just another squad leader under his comment. His desire for you was apparently short-lived, and now your relationship is nothing but rocky and icy. "He's a sadist." You say to yourself as you get up, grab your cardigan and walk out of your room, following the corridor to the main entrance where you agreed to meet the others. Your mind dances in circles around Captain Levi Ackerman, remembering how seriously he took his training over the past few months, trilling you to the point of exhaustion. You once fell unconscious after he held you in a chokehold for too long.
Ackerman is frustrated and you are the source of his dismay, that much is clear. Though you can't quite put into words what it was that made him angry with you in the first place, it's humiliating and overwhelming not knowing what's going on, it makes you feel like the day you woke up in the infirmary all those years ago: weak.

The walk to the bar is filled with Hange's loud, ecstatic voice and Marlene's happy laughter as the two of them reminisce about the day Levi joined the Corps.
"You should have seen him, Faye! He was so brooding and frustrated with his horse". Marlene remembers, holding back a laugh as she grins at the memory, which makes you smile at the thought. You can only imagine how impatient he was.
"So he hasn't changed much, hugh?" You wonder, turning to Hange just as she throws her arm over your shoulder and pulls you close.
"Nah. He was probably born with a frown on his face. But you must tell us your secret. How do you do that?" They speak in riddles, making you raise an eyebrow at their strange question.
"What do you mean? Do what?" Hange giggles as Marlene appears on the other side of you, her big eyes meeting yours.