The Divine Zero

Chapter 1: The St. Clairs

I never believed in second chances.

I never believed in fate or destiny, whatever you'd like to call it.

I never believed in the corny love stories that were made up in romance novels written for thirteen year old girls who were just realizing that boys did not in fact, have cooties.

That was before I met him.

If you want to hear my story of the roller coaster ride of a life I've been on, then it has to start from the very beginning.

It all started on a chilly, windy day in November. The year being 1991, the day was the 27th.

For most people they'd either be raking the leaves on their lawns for the tenth time that month in frustration; the weather relentless, it had no mercy for those who practically had mini-forests of trees in their front yards. The weather had people locked up in their houses, lounging and keeping cozy by a fire, hiding from the dreary fall wind that seemed to never let up this year.

For young Clara St. Clair, this was her second day spent laying in an uncomfortable hospital bed. She was in a brutal, painful labor trying to give birth to her first child; who try all her might, refused to come out.

But the pain was all worth it to Clara once the nurses laid the tiny, wailing baby on her chest hours later. It was the new beginning to her life- their life.

Clara had been married for six years and had been trying to have a baby for the majority of it. They had been tragically unsuccessful, causing a strain in their marriage. But by the happy tears streaming down her cheeks as the baby's shrill voice wailed, she knew she had finally gotten the baby she had been dreaming of for years.

Jessica Grace St. Clair was born at 7:31 in the evening in Riverside, California to her overjoyed parents, David and Clara St. Clair.

Jessica and her small family lived in a small home but their happiness was always large, despite how difficult things got sometimes. Seeing Jessica quickly grow into a child seemed to make every sacrifice and struggle her parents dealt with, worth it. Jessica mirrored her mother, the same blonde hair and matching ocean blue eyes, she was a beautiful little child that radiated life.

Clara loved running Jessica to her swim, cheerleading, and track practices, or playing chauffeur for Jessica and her friends. Falling in love with doing the duties that made her a mom; she was highly grateful for her daughter. She felt like she had purpose. From cooking muffins for Jessica's school bake sales to volunteering to take care of the class pet for a weekend, she was Jessica's mother.

Jessica was the St. Clairs' pride and joy and the highlight of their daily lives. She seemed to be the thread in their bracelet holding their beads together. Their lives revolved around a little girl with blonde hair and big blue eyes who glowed the spirit of pure innocence.

But as they say, nothing good can stay the way it is.

The lives they had lived and had known so well, came to an abrupt, dreadful end.

Clara had been ill for quite some time and had ignored it and called it nothing. From fainting to puking randomly during the night- or anytime of day, Clara was getting worse, month by month.

But she had to put on a brave face for her Jessica, who was now thirteen and who would be going into ninth grade next year with the stress of boys, her sports, school subjects, homecoming, and her maturing- from learning how to put on makeup to learning how to fit into uncomfortable cheerleader uniforms. Clara convinced herself that her own needs didn't matter and that Jessica needed her more than ever right now. Dave was working new shift hours now and came home at 7:00 in the evening, he needed to have his supper made and ready for him. Most of all, he needed his supporting wife there for him, by his side. Clara had to do her role as a wife and stand by, and take care of her family.

Clara died from untreated breast cancer a month before Jessica graduated from middle school.

A week before her and her husband's anniversary.

Distraught and heart broken, David moved what was left of his family to a small town in Washington; leaving the house, neighborhood, friends, and town Jessica had known all her life, behind.

Driving away from their house with nothing but clothes and some furniture, David and Jessica drove away from their old lives. Jessica in the backseat of her father's truck, watching everything she had ever loved become out of sight- and soon to be out of mind.

Jessica swears, staring back at the small home that now was only cramped with memories; she saw her mom standing on the porch step in her favorite sunset orange sundress, the wind easily playing with the seams of her dress and causing her beautiful bright blonde hair to flow with the wind. Looking at peace and at ease.

Clara's faded light blue eyes were flickering with faint sadness, but she was wishing them happiness and luck as she waved goodbye. She was letting them go; expecting Jessica and Dave to do the same.

Jessica couldn't help but cry.

Then again, that's all Jessica did lately.