StarChaser// Jegulus

Regulus

When James walks away I sit up and gather my clothes, slowly, trying to make sense of what just happened.
I wasn't intending to have sex with James, but when he kissed me I couldn't let him stop there. I'm still attracted to him, I still have love for him, but I just can't be with him.
I don't know whether this makes things messier for us or not. He seemed to be final about this being the last time, but something tells me that's not true.
I redress myself absentmindedly and leave the changing rooms and walk into rowdy Gryffindors who are cheering and shouting about a party to celebrate.
I am then faced with Arlo who is grinning at me "watching you fly was exhilarating" Arlo gushes
"Pity I lost then" I deadpan
"You were beautiful, Reg" Arlo says, pushing my hair out of my face. My hair has gotten pretty long, it's past my ears now.
"I should probably cut it" I say, gesturing to my hair
"I think you look good this way" Arlo replies before moving closer "plus, you having longer hair means i can do this" Arlo says, gripping my hair in his hand, pulling my head back and kissing me whilst tugging my hair slightly. The pull of my hair sends a tingling sensation down to my sternum. That's new.
"Become someone else's bitch have you, Black?" Asks the absolutely horrid, unwanted voice of Severus Snape.
"Jealous that I can get more bitches than you, Snape?" I drawl
Severus snarls at me "maybe instead of investing your time into a string of boyfriends you should learn to ride better" Severus sneers
"Oh I can ride just fine actually, at least, that's what your Dad told me last night" I retort
Severus curls his fists in anger.
"What exactly are you trying to achieve here, Severus, is it?" Arlo interjects
"Who even are you?" Asks Severus
"Arlo Reins" Arlo replies
"I don't recall seeing you around" Severus comments
"Yes well I try not to linger around people like you in case your dreadful personality is catching" Arlo drawls
"I see you upgraded to one with a bit more wit, Potter prefers his fists" Severus comments
"Aren't you supposed to be off pining for a girl that doesn't want you?" I ask
Severus scoffs and storms off.
"What did he want?" Asks Barty as he walks over to us, arm slung around Evan.
"Just putting his opinion where it isn't wanted, as usual" I reply
"Who's this?" Asks Evan
I forget that I only met Arlo properly a few days ago.
"Arlo Reins, Regulus' new friend" Arlo replies with a grin
"Getting that bored of us are you?" Asks Barty
"I could never grow bored of you!" I exclaim causing them both to grin "I just need someone to spend time with when you two are busy shagging" I add with a coy smile. Evan blushes and hides his face in Barty's shoulder "Sorry mate, can't help it, have you seen Evan? Bloody gorgeous! Can barely keep my hands off of him, takes a hell of a lot of self restraint" Barty replies. Evan couldn't go any redder. I roll my eyes "Get a room" I say
"Got one in the Dungeons" Barty replies with a wink causing me to roll my eyes at him.
"Let's go all these cheering Gryffindors are giving me a headache" I say and everyone agrees.
We all head back to the castle and go straight to the Dungeons. When we do, Barty and Evan head to our dorm room for some fun time I expect which leaves Arlo and I in the Slytherin common room.
"How about we go into my dorm room? It'll be empty" Arlo says.
I nod and follow him up the stairs. His dorm looks the same as every Slytherin's dorm room so there's nothing to look at really, so I just sit down on his bed, he sits next to me.
Arlo grabs my chin and turns my head so I'm facing him. He leans in and kisses me, I return the favour.
As he kisses me his hands roam my body. His right hand moves further downward before finding my inner thigh, he grips it causing me to gasp involuntarily. At my gasp he darts his tongue into my mouth. He then slowly glides his right hand up my thigh and onto my crotch where he rubs me through my trousers. I jerk away from him.
"What? You don't want to? I felt you, Reg, I know you do" Arlo states
"No, we shouldn't" I reply
"I thought we were having casual sex?" Asks Arlo
"We can be but we shouldn't right now"
"I think you might need to explain that one, what's the issue with right now?"
"I had sex with James after the match"
"Sorry?"
"In the changing rooms when everyone else had gone I asked James why he shoved me during the match. It led to a small argument which ended in him kissing me and us having a quickie on the changing room floor"
"Right" Arlo shifts away from me and doesn't look at me "I mean, we- I suppose we never made it exclusive, you can fuck whoever you like" Arlo says half heartedly
"No, Arlo, it's not like that" I try to comfort him but he shakes his head
"Really, Regulus, you don't need to explain yourself to me, I just didn't expect you to crawl back to James so soon"
"I didn't crawl back to him!"
"You didn't exactly walk away from him either"
"So you do have a problem with it?"
"No, you can fuck whoever you like, I just didn't expect you to still be shagging your ex"
"It's not a continuous thing this was the first time we had since we got back from summer"
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
"For fucks sake, Arlo, I was just trying to be honest with you! If you want to be mad then fine but I'm not going to sit here and let you pretend I'm allowed to do something while you're actually mad at me, if you're going to be mad then do it properly!" I shout, finally snapping, this is all too familiar and I don't want to be seeing or sleeping with another person that's just going to argue with me
Arlo seems to stiffen and quiet at my shouting and for a moment he looks scared. He brings his knees up to his chest and holds his head in between his knees as his breathing quickens. He begins to rock back and forth and I realise he's having a panic attack. I place my hand on his back and start rubbing circles but he stiffens under my touch. "Don't touch me" he grumbles, my hand stills "get your hand off me" he states more stressed this time. I take my hand away and sit there patiently with him as he counts out loud and soothes himself.
After a few minutes he puts his legs down and brings his head back up.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout I just got overwhelmed" I state apologetically.
"It's fine. I just don't do well with shouting" Arlo replies, his tone clipped. He still doesn't look at me.
"Do you want me to go? Or do you want to talk about it?" I ask
"It's fine. My parents used to argue a lot, my house was always full of shouting. If they drank enough they'd mutually agree that I was the problem and all of the shouting was directed at me. They'd add a few curses in there, nothing unforgivable just harmful things, but they always shouted at me. I just- don't like shouting"
I just want to throw my arms around him and stroke his hair and tell him everything will be alright and that I know how he feels but I think that's probably not the right move to make here. "I-I'm so sorry" is all I can offer him, unsure of what to say.
"No it's fine, not many people get it"
"I do"
"You do?"
"My parents never shouted much, but they were a big fan of punishments, or lessons as they liked to call them. If Sirius or I did something wrong they'd use a whipping curse on us. As we grew older the curses got more severe. The cruciatus came into play a while back when Sirius turned thirteen. When he wouldn't take the Dark Mark they almost killed him, he managed to escape to his best friend's house. I wasn't so lucky, I had nowhere to go, if I hadn't have taken the Mark, they might have killed me, I wouldn't put it past them"
We remain silent for a while, both of us processing the other's trauma. Arlo takes his hand in mine and chuckles to himself
"It's good to know we both have villain origin stories prepared if we ever need to justify some heinous actions in the future" Arlo remarks which makes me laugh
"I suppose that's one way to look at it" I reply with a weak smile.
"Regulus, are you okay? Like really okay?" Asks Arlo. I sigh and shrug
"I really don't know" I reply
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'll be alright"
"Regulus, talk to me"
"I just didn't expect things to go this way, I expected to have more time with James. I suppose I was stupid when I thought he'd still love me after I got the Mark"
"Regulus if he can't love you because of a choice you didn't get to make then he's more shallow than I thought"
"He does love me, I said that wrong. I think he just doesn't understand, he was just scared about what it would mean for us, how we would make it work when the war eventually did begin"
"He could have done more, tried harder"
"So could I. I just ended it, things got tough and I pushed him away, the way I push everyone away"
"Regulus, you shouldn't carry the weight of every problem on your shoulder. You are not always at fault, you are not always in the wrong. You don't always have to do better. Sometimes you have to accept that you tried and that's the best you can do, you don't always have to do better, you don't always have to defend people, especially not the ones who have hurt you, they don't deserve that respect and kindness from you, don't do yourself that disservice"
"I can't just place all the blame on James, that would be unfair, there were two people in our relationship, we both tried and we both had faults, I just think I ended things too quickly. I acted rashly. But it's too late now, he's angry at me, he wouldn't take me back"
"So you want to get back with him?"
He sounds disheartened
"Well no. Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I liked being around him, when we weren't arguing it was great, the arguments just tainted things for me"
"That's not very healthy. Partners argue but not the amount you two did in the short time you were together"
I suppose that Arlo is right, he's making valid points. I don't think I really want to get back with James, I think I just feel bad for hurting him and I see getting back with him as a way to make up for it. Besides, I have a guy next to me that could one day possibly be someone more than a fuck buddy. Maybe I should focus on Arlo instead and stop wallowing in self pity over James. Maybe Arlo is who I've been searching for...or maybe he's just a substitute for James. No. That's mean. I can't think like that.
I smile at Arlo, place my hand on his cheek and kiss him.
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Hello there my lovelies!

Regular updates??? There's a first for everything I suppose. I just keep getting invested in the ideas I have for this fic, I hope you guys are just as invested too! Anyways I hope you enjoyed this one, i'll see you in the next one! Until then, have a great day!

Stay wonderful!

All my everlasting love,
Blue<3