𝕭𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝕿𝖜𝖔
𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: From trolls to dragons to foreign princesses, Astraea Aphelion grows stronger as she
continues to navigate medieval Britain using her wit and heart, standing unshaken beside Merlin and Arthur as they face every threa...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
📍 Camelot
⏳October, 505 AD
[warning: descriptions of declining mental health]
My body shook with sobs as I laid on my bed, curled up around my Captain America pillow with an unbearable pain spreading through my chest (and my arm, but I tried to ignore that one). I know that it's all due to the consequences of my own foolish decisions. I never should've gotten so close to Merlin. And I never, ever should've gotten close to Arthur.
There's an alternate reality in which I kept my distance from the start, returned to Texas eventually, and stayed there to live a 'normal' life. What's considered 'normal' for a person of my generation, anyways. The numb feeling I always carried with me before life went bananas was a million times better than the anguish brought on by the fear of losing Merlin and Arthur.
Panic attacks had become so rare for me over the past three-or-so years. Now I feel like a fifteen-year-old girl locked inside the school bathroom while battling to breathe all over again. I never wanted to feel this way again, and I knew that I could've avoided it, but I still put myself in this position. I'm the only one to blame!
I'm almost cursed, y'know? Cursed to lose everyone I care about. It's all that's ever happened. And, sure, Merlin and Arthur returned this time; but I bet they won't be so lucky the next, or the next, or the next... It's only a matter of time until one of them – or both – is ripped apart by an army of zombie knights, or by a dragon... I'd rather not stick around to find out...
What's the point of it all, anyways? What's the point of being with Arthur if he's gonna be married off to a princess eventually? Or, worse, he's inevitably going to realise that he could do so much better than me. And then what? It's best if I rip off the band-aid now. Before the four-letter-word gets out.
Dallas is the one I could never separate myself from. It'd be like carving out my soul. So, if I leave Camelot and find someplace where he and I can live safely... perhaps he can live a full life away from the danger I keep placing him in. Of course, there's always the possibility that he'll get sick... or get into a freak accident...
I was suddenly gasping for air again while my heart-beat accelerated. Black spots started to cloud my vision.
I heard a knock at the door, "Astra?" It was Merlin.
I wanted to tell him to go away, but I couldn't speak as I gasped for air.
"Astra!"
Perfect timing!
I grabbed my thermos off my nightstand and splashed some cool water in my face just as Merlin magically broke through the locked door.
"Are you all right?! What happened?!" he asked as he rushed to my side, looking awfully concerned as he scanned my face. I still couldn't reply as I panted heavily to recover from the momentary lung failure. "Do you need me to get Gaius?!"
