The Fighter's Club: Survival of The Fittest

Chapter 12 ◇◇ Drive Thru Expectations : Part 1

Any mentions of doctors will be explained later, just remember that the mentions happened. Rocky still got secrets ya'll.

Chapter 12- Drive Thru Expectations Part 1

"All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water. And that's the tragedy of living.
- Unknown

Rocky

On more occasions than I'd like to admit to I catch myself in position where I don't even in the slightest bit understand how I'd end up here. These were the rare moments in the nature of my awareness that always haunted me to point that every day I walked around like I was walking on egg shells trying my hardest not to let the tiniest crack occur even if it was impossible.

These moments were the pressure that made me carry an ongoing tension in my shoulders and the menacing truth that made me never want to know anyone because no one needed to know me my mentality and way of life.

The before and during never became memories and only the after ever was prominent in my mind.

Black outs were what the doctors called them but from my perspective they were never really black. The gaps of information in my memory were better described as frizzling bits of nothingness that tormented and made my head hurt like high speeding train crushing into the bones of my skull.

The doctors said it was normal feature that many kids went through after they'd endured trauma and yet I couldn't and wouldn't ever believe that lie. They said the black outs were structured pieces of events that my mind wiped out in order to protect my sanity and still nothing ever made me more on edge than not knowing what occurred or what I'd done.

Sane wasn't something I was sure I'd known since seeing my mother snort lines of coke on the kitchen counter while I could hear the ear splitting screams of my brother getting beat by our father in their bedroom and I sat in the middle of the living room floor trying to understood why nothing in my household made sense before I even knew how to tie my shoes..

Things like that never leave you and never let you put the pieces back together afterwards. Your mind becomes scrambled before you even realize what exactly your mind is.

Nothing about me was normal and nothing around me was normal and nothing ever would be.

It was a fact that I'd accepted a long time ago because those moments that prevented from having a chance and I hate so much were all my life was basically composed of. I couldn't alter that, forgive and forget about it like those uppity ass doctors wanted fourteen year old me to or choose to let the intoxication of pills drain out all of the bad feelings that drove me crazy.

I needed to feel the bad because it was the only thing that made me feel alive even if it weighed me down on the same account.

Right now I couldn't tell whether or not, I was experiencing a moment I wouldn't remember again but I knew I didn't remember driving my whip here or even walking into the building. Sitting by my lonesome closed off in a VIP section with a blunt in my hand and .38 revolver sitting on the table in front of me my mind was somewhere else trying to figure out what I was doing here inside of the Fighter's Club when it wasn't my duty or job to be here tonight.

Before I was assigned the duty of watching over my bosses misses, there wasn't a time I ever stepped foot inside of this place unless it was something to do with business. I was loner by nature that loved to stay as low key as possible. Clubs were money was thrown around carelessly like it wasn't children starving on the streets or people light bills or rent due and people everywhere that just wanted to be seen wasn't my type of vibe.