"...Man must move through life as his destiny wills."
Those were the last words I'd heard from Dad before he left me and Mama for good. When he got in that truck and drove off, I had the first rejecting thought that would be the start of a destructive and wicked lifestyle.
"Fuck you, and fuck your so-called destiny." I whispered to myself, hoping Mama wouldn't hear me. Unexpectedly, she said the exact same thing without realizing I was still at her side. She made me promise not to mimic her and changed the subject to what we were gonna have for dinner then and there.
After that, it's all a blur til about 10th grade when I found her with a shotgun in her lap and her brains splattered all over the living room wall.
Couple years later, I had been with almost every family in Minnesota looking for a kid to adopt. Some thought I was 'too distant' to accept love, some even said I was 'too depressing' after talking about Mama despite them asking me about her. Around my fourth return, I realized that hope was just gaslighting with shallow guise to make it sound like sunshine and rainbows. When I gave up hope, I got a lot more reckless and gave people reasons not to adopt me.
That is, up until these two goodie two shoes types came to meet with me. It was two days short of my birthday, I think. I knew that cause the cherry blossoms usually bloomed big around the same time. As I got escorted down the bland office job walls of the adoption center, something caught my eye almost immediately. One of the rooms had the lights out but there were all kinds of party decorations outside the door.
"Shoot, they weren't supposed to have that outside." My escort said aloud, shaking her head, "Well, I guess the surprise is ruined. That's your room right there, Nancy. Happy birthday, sugar!"
Giving me a short hug, she stood and went off to do her job, leaving me to creep towards my meeting room.
Inside were two ordinary looking men sitting in front of a birthday cake, the candles still unlit. I creaked the door open a little to try and hear what they were saying, but they must have had crazy good hearing.
"Hey kiddo! Are you Nancy?"
Those five words sold me, my heart jumping for joy and my stomach filling with butterflies. I scooted into the room and took a seat across them. Regardless of how my heart felt, I believed that I couldn't let myself be hurt again so I put on a mean face.
"It's so great to meet you, kiddo. I'm Greg and this is my husband, Mark. We've heard so much about you!" The darker male said.
"Yeah, I'm sure. How I'm 'destructive' and 'unfit for fostering', right?" I grumbled.
"Heavens no!" The tan man, Mark, swiftly replied, "We've heard how much of an overachiever you!"
"How you like to paint—"
"How you like to help those who wouldn't need it—"
"How, no matter the way you try to mask, you have kindness in your heart—"
"And only wish to get that same kindness back. Kindness we'd like to give you tenfold."
"What the hell do you know about what I want?" I blurted, choking back tears.
"We... Understand how hard it is to feel unwanted. Something you could learn if you pick us for the journey called life." Greg calmly said, whipping out a lighter.
"Oh, I almost forgot! We may not see one another again, Ms. Nancy, so we went all out and got you some birthday things!" Mark excitedly exclaimed.
"We got the wonderful people here to leave you our gifts while you met with us. Alternatively, you can have them be left with us. Give you some time to pack, if you're comfortable with having us as your dads, I mean." Greg explained, lighting the cake's candles.
"Or I can blow these out and go, yeah?"
"If you'd like. We get it if you'd do so."
I watched as the flames danced in front of me—seventeen candle flames dancing to and fro between us. It was suffocating but beautiful, scary but exhilarating. We sat in silence, their eyes on me and mine on the cake, for a few short minutes before I got up and blew the candles out.
"Thanks for considering me, but... I'm not looking for a family anymore." I murmured before leaving.
"Take care kiddo." I heard Greg say as the door closed.
That was a few weeks ago. 'What happened?!', you might be wondering. Well firstly, I never even touched the gifts those men gave me. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Second, some part of me kept nagging and biting at me for not going with them. I gave in at one point and decided to ask if the adoption center people could give me the papers I would need to sign to go with them. Fast forward to now where I'm saying goodnight to the only two people that ever wanted for me.
" Before we leave, there's something we wanna say. We read your file before we took you in. It's... Actually the reason we went through with it."
"My file?"
"We know about your mom, Nancy."
"...So? Not like it matters, right?"
"It does matter, kiddo. To us, at least. We wanted to give you a second chance at having a family."
"I'm 17. What's the point if I'm just gonna bounce when I'm 18?"
"So you'll always have a place to call home when you come back. G'night kiddo."
YOU ARE READING
Muse Go Brrr
General FictionThis was made as a means to expend all of my writing ideas that spontaneously spawned in my head when listening to music. I decided that I wanted to share it all with more than the few people I do show these excerpts (I guess?). Enjoy! Feedback is e...
