Jurassic Pork

Chapter 1

"NO!" I yelled at my sister.
"Huh?" She replied, her face full of schnitzel.

Our journey started off in Alaska, where we lived. we had been looking up cool theme parks to visit on the internet when our mum called out to us from downstairs "what are you guys doing?" Jill, my sister, said we were researching theme parks to visit. "oh ok." my mum said. Our dad, Heinz, was a restaurant owner. Well, he was a food trailer owner; selling schnitzel. He wasn't going so well because a few kids had just stolen his truck a week ago. Not that my dad was lucky, at least we didn't think he was lucky, until he won the mega millions lottery scratch off. We won ten million dollars off the numbers four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two. We always put in the same numbers. He took Jill and I out of school because he said we have enough money now, he also said not to worry about anything because we would be fine. Dad bought a lifetime supply of schnitzel for our entire family with the money. He always said "the only thing more important than family, is schnitzel." We bought a huge house in Alaska it was awesome, for the week we had it. Unfortunately, dad left some schnitzel on the stove one day and forgot about it. We watched our house burn to the ground in flames that night. Dad told us not to worry about anything because he had money coming out his ears. He told us we could go to any theme park we wanted to as a treat. Jill and I both knew that this was a gift to keep us thinking that we still had money, when in reality we were fifty thousand dollars in debt. We decided to go to a new theme park that had opened up, called Jurassic park. Today we told our parents about our decision. They loved the decision, and said they would love to have a nice relaxing family trip. "Plus", they said "Uncle Jack works there."

We traveled by plane, the trip was seven hours long. But we eventually did get to the park and it wasn't even (yo)  that great. I felt like I was in a rain forest. Our apartment was small, probably the biggest we could have afforded. We first visited the t-Rex petting zoo. They said as long as you don't smell like food or have a flare on you he won't eat you.
My dad had brought his emergency pack of schnitzel, for emergencies. He also bought his emergency emergency pack of schnitzel but I'm not even going to get into that. The t-Rex bolted for my father like a t-Rex would bolt for someone with food. My dads jaw wrapped around the schnitzel in his hand and the t-Rex stopped  chasing him. My dad with a longing red glow in his eyes casually swallowed the schnitzel in one gulp. But now the t-Rex was chasing my dad because he had eaten his schnitzel. A man in a hazmat suit and a taser gun ran at the t-Rex and shot the gun three or four times until the t-Rex was jolting and flinching on the ground. "Hello jack." said my father. "Care for some schnitzel?" "No thanks I just finished." He said. "You probably want to get out of here soon, the taser only lasts for about a minute and then we have to gas the whole facility to calm the Dino."
We went back to the hotel. Strange things were beginning to happen, my father was putting gravy on his schnitzel. I don't know where he got the gravy from but he lathered the schnitzel in it every time he plumped it into his fat juicy cheeks. I could see the moist gravy dripping from his red beard excessively. Dripping on his freshly washed jeans they were creating big brown stains. He turned to look at me with his eyes big and red, staring into my soul but more importantly adjusted his gaze to look at the piece of schnitzel he had just given me minutes ago on the train back to our hotel. "You gonna eat that boy?" He said to me. "Um nah dad you can have it I guess." I said. He was staring, just staring at the piece of schnitzel for a solid 10 seconds before he engulfed my entire schnitzel steak on a stick with a single bite. He burped, and people started to look over in the train. We got back to our hotel and my father ran up to the front desk man yelling at him, "WHERES THE GRAVY, JIMMY?!" But jimmy didn't know where the gravy was. He barged passed the front desk and back into the kitchen of the hotel. He ran towards the first gravy boat he saw and gulped down the entire boat. "I NEED MORE SCHNITZEL." He screamed at the chef, "AND GRAVY." The chef started working but while he was working he whispered "Heinz you need to calm down."  "WHAT DID YOU SAY BOY?" Said my dad to the chef. "Nothing." Lied the chef. "I WANT 30 SCHNITZELS DELIVERED TO MY ROOM ASAP BOY." Ejaculated my dad. "WITH EXTRA GRAVY."
He stormed off up the stairs to our room, number 601, I followed. My sister and mother were sitting in the hotel room eating schnitzel. They were both only wearing caprices and scarves with top hats. The strangest thing however was not the apparel, but their eyes were red with lust for schnitzel. They had four empty plates in front of them. "WAS THERE SCHNITZEL ON THESE PLATES BEFORE I GOT HERE?!" Said my dad. "YES." Said my mum and sister at the same time. But at that time we heard a knock on the door and a call "room service!" It said. "Finally..." said my dad. He grabbed a $100 bill from off his desk and tossed it at the room service waiter, ripping the cart away from him with all the schnitzel on it. "I have an idea," said my father. I couldn't do it anymore. I ran out of the room as fast as I could towards my uncle at the t-Rex petting zoo.

As I got to the T-Rex petting zoo my uncle gallivanted towards me with perplexing speed. My uncle said "yo dawg we gotta boogie." Confused, I asked him why. My Uncle responded with "El t-Rex escapo." Shocked I began to run with my uncle the opposite way of the enclosure. We raced into the t-Rex gift shop where my uncle suddenly covered my mouth with his hand dramatically. "Shhhhhh" he said quietly. I pushed his hand down from my mouth as I peered around the corner of the t-Rex stuffed animals. I heard a loud noise which cannot be described in words. I saw the biggest, most terrifying, most disturbing thing I had every seen in my entire life. It was my father drinking from a schnitzel fountain. I could see the machine's start at one end of the gift shop, it was like a meat grinder, but it harnessed the meat juice and boiled the meat. Then it breaded the meat and fried it ready for consumption. And it was consumed indeed, by my terrifyingly hungry father. I whispered to my uncle, "what the hell is going on?" My uncle responded "well it looks like there is a loud machine making schnitzel out of animals, and cooking the meat at a very fast manner to create schnitzel which my brother is ravenously eating." I didn't understand how this could be happening right now, because I had just seen my father in the hotel room. "obviously your father has discovered the build a t-Rex machine and has replaced the cotton with meat, and made some very disturbing modifications." It all made sense to me now, the machine was being used strategically to make schnitzel to fulfill my fathers desperate desire for the schnitzel. I decided to go after my father. "no." my uncle said to me as he pulled back my arm as I began to walk towards my father. "your father is already gone." I didn't understand what he meant, and then my father's entire body was ripped in half by the force of the t-Rex which grabbed his torso and flung him into the air like a rag doll. 

Like a bolt of lightning, my father's torso sprung up. It was crawling, using its arms. He got to his legs and pulled out a schnitzel from his pocket. I thought "how is a schnitzel suppose to help you put your body back together." he pulled out a sewing needle and a vile. Why did he have all this in his pants? I watched as he sewed his upper half to his lower half. He squeezed the schnitzel in his hands until it was liquefied, dripping the juices into the vile. He then poured the vile all over his bloody body. When the juice hit his skin it immediately bubbled. He screamed in agonizing pain, but as he was screaming his voice dropped 20 decibels. His voice was so deep and loud that the t-Rex ran away and all the glass in the room we were broke. He looked directly at me with the most intrusive stare I have ever experience.