Amezona, its never too late

7 I could never hate you

AMELIA

"Did you kiss her back." I ask Arizona again, but she says nothing. I don't wanna know, but I have this horrible feeling in my stomach that she did.

Then I realize.

"Oh my god, you did, I..I can't believe you." I hold back my tears and get off immediately when the elevator dings. 
____________________________________

ARIZONA

How can I explain to Amelia what happened, I know she'll never listen. She thinks I cheated her, I guess I did but it was just a kiss and I stopped it before it went further.

I wipe away my tears and step off the elevator.

I walk into the scrub room, where Austin is already scrubbing.

"Are you ready?" I ask, while I start to srcub.

"Are you kidding." He replies.
____________________________________

The surgery is going good, Austin gets the baby out safely and is about to close when she starts bleeding.

"Wh..what did I do." He whispers.

"Nothing, this can happen, don't freak out." I say back trying to calm him down.

He nods.

"Suction." I say to Bohkee.

I suction but the bleeding just gets worse. I try to stop it, but I can't tell where it's coming from. I freeze, I don't know what to do. What the hell is wrong with me? I never freeze in the OR.

"What are you going to do?" Austin asks

I don't respond

"I can page someone to take over for you?" He says.

I say nothing back, still just staring wondering what I could do.

"Doctor Robbin's, what are you going to do?" He says raising his voice.

"Doctor Myers, please shut up and get out of my OR so I can't think." I yell at him.

He rips off his gown and leaves.

"Ok Kelly forceps." I say.

I try to control the bleeding, but I can't, and she flatlines.

I start compressions.

"Come on Sarah, you have a baby boy, he needs you." I say as I pump her chest.

10 minute go by

Nothing

30 minutes

Nothing

50 minutes

Nothing

"Doctor Robbin's, you should call it." A nurse says to me. "No, no she had a baby, he needs her." I say while tearing up.

"He needs you." I whisper.

I stop compressions. "Time of death..11:46." I finally say. I tear off my scrub mask and walk out of the OR. This is my fault, I froze in the OR, I killed her.

I walk out of the scrub room and I see Amelia standing at the OR board.

I look at her, she looks happy, I'm about to turn around and leave when she sees me.

I wanna go and talk to her, but instead I run away. I can't let her see me cry.

I walk into the attending lounge, phew it's empty. I sit down on the couch, and I cry. Everything is falling apart, and I can't do anything about it.

What's wrong with me lately, I'm screwing everything up.

"Are you ok?" I hear someone walk in and say.

It's Amelia, fuck.

"I'm fine." I say while looking at her, looking in her beautiful blue eyes.

She comes and sits down beside me.

"What happened?" She asks.

"I told you I'm fine." I snap back.

"Arizona, you can talk to me you know." She says.

"Look I know you hate me, you don't have to pretend to like me." I say in an aggravated tone.

"I could never hate you." She says under her breath.

I look at her, she's being genuine, her eyes say it all.
"Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you?" I ask.

"All the time." She smiles and put her hand on my hand.

"Amelia, look I didn't kiss Callie, she kissed me." I say.

"Arizona-"

"No, I need to explain. Yes I kissed her back, but I realized immediately how dumb that was. I really like you Amelia, and I'm not gonna stop trying to earn your trust back."

"Look I'm sorry." She says.

I look up at her. "You're sorry? You didn't do anything wrong, I did."

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted, I should've listened to you, I should've trusted you. And for the record, it's ok to fall apart, we all do once in a while." She says.

I hug her and start crying into her shoulder. She holds me so tight. "I've got you." She whispers in my ear.

I just break down in her arms, she continues to hold me and reassure me that I'll be ok.