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/ᴹᵉˡᵃⁿⁱᵉ ʸᵉᵉᵗˢ ᴾᵉʳᶜʸ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᴸᵃᵏᵉ ᵒⁿ "ᴵⁿᶜⁱᵈᵉⁿᵗ"/
𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘊𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯
"𝚂𝚘 𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚏𝚒𝚜𝚑!"
"What do you think is the saddest word?" someone once asked her. At the time she answered "I don't know", but today she can answer that question straight away.
"Well what is it?"
"If"
The voice in her head remained quiet. Melanie waited patiently and waited and waited. The darkness around her was her second home. An inner part that started small and grew larger over time. Fed on the repressed past and toxic thoughts. It was the abyss in her mind and the cracks in her heart. An endless lake of toxicity. Beautiful with its purple disguise, but poisonous. It waited for you to feel safe, lurking under the water until you let your walls down and it attacks you. But not quickly and painlessly. No, it was like a snake. It hissed and slowly snaked its way towards you. With every inch it got closer to you, another crack appeared in your soul. It circles around you until you feel like you're about to suffocate. And then, when you think it's finally over, it loosens its grip only to snap in at lightning speed and without warning and painfully devour you.
"Why?" the same voice asked again. It was sweet. Like ambrosia and nectar, but it can burn you inside if you take in too much of it.
Melanie looked silently at the water beneath her feet. With every movement the purple water surface made new waves. Deep beneath the surface, vines rising from the abyss. She was still standing on the surface. But when would she sink? Melanie looked up. Tiny gold lights flickered above her. The only comfort she had left here. They reminded her of fireflies. Bringer of light in the darkness. They were created from the positive thoughts that survived the huge wave of pain. Her lips parted, ready to let out the words that were bitter on her tongue.
"If you just wouldn't be here," she began. Eyes empty and depressed.
"If only you were better."
"If only you didn't exist."
"If only I had thrown you out on the street."
"If only you hadn't been born."
Melanie gulped as memories flowed into her head. Memories she wanted to forget. "What about almost?"
