Lights Are Missing (PART 1)

24.

I ran all the way to Yeonjun's house, skipping across the street carefully, watching for cars, banging on the front door when I got there.

I'd assumed the other guys would've been there, since what I knew, they often went to Yeonjun's house after school and it had only beel maybe 10 minutes since I'd seen them last.

The longer I stood out there, the less sure I was that anyone was home. Maybe they went to Kai's house or maybe even Taehyun's. But just as I was about to turn around, the door swung open in front of me and Yeonjun was smiling wider than I'd ever seen. I couldn't help but smile too.

Ambrose pushed Yeonjun out of the way and jumped up at me, "Amby!" Yeonjun immediately grabbed him and pulled him off of me. I couldn't help but laugh, leaning over to pet him and kiss the top of his head as his tail wagged back and forth at the speed of sound.

"What brings you here? Aren't you still grounded?" Yeonjun asked as I continued to pepper kisses all over Ambrose's face, getting down on my knees so I could wrap my arms around him too.

"Not anymore. I came over because I thought the other guys were here too. Are they?"

"Nope, just me. But that reminds me, I wanted to talk to you."

My heart stopped. I let go of Ambrose and stood up slowly. Was this really it? Was this going to be the moment he confessed? Was I going to be happy with it?

He took in a sharp breath but immediately shut himself down and shook his head, "No, this isn't right. You wanna go for a drive?"

"A drive?"

He pointed over my shoulder to a car that was parked on the side of the road. I looked over and saw the beige SUV, nothing too special, "My parent's car."

I shook my head. I felt bad, but I hated cars. They always scared me, made me feel uneasy, and I only ever rode in them when I had to. Maybe I got that fear from my mom.

"No, no, let's just walk."

"You sure? It might be a long walk."

A long walk was exactly what I needed, especially after being stuffed up in my room for the whole past week. Biking was nice but taking a walk, especially on a nice day like that, was something I really needed to keep me from going completely insane. I nodded.

He shrugged and patted Ambrose on the head before ushering the two of us outside of the doorway. The door shut behind him.

The sidewalk was cooking and drying out the plants that had found a home between the cracks of cement, sizzling and reflecting the sun up into my eyes.

The sun's rays were hot, giving me a nice warm, toasty feeling against my skin, yet the breeze made up for it by cooling me down. Who knew you could be so hot yet so cold at the same time.

Our walk was a silent one, barely a word being spoken. I don't know what else I would've preferred, the silence of the wind rustling through leaves or the sound of Yeonjun talking my ear off. Maybe neither.

Everything was closing in on me as we reached the tunnel. The tunnel that I found them in after I cried at the mall. The tunnel we pedaled through on our way to the beach. Where were we even going?

The tunnel kept us shaded, the echo of my coughs booming through the dark tunnel.

"You okay?"

I had been coughing a lot more than usual in the recent days, but I was mostly alright, just getting a tickle in my throat more than the average person, "Yeah." My reply was a little snarky, snapping back at him after he finally decided to say something to me on our walk. He had intentions.

He elbowed me playfully, throwing me off balance. I stumbled away and then fell back into him as my retaliation, "Beomgyu, you know this isn't something I say as much as I should but," He slowed his walking to a complete stop, grabbing my hand to stop me from walking forward and further too, "I love you."

His words were shallow, and I knew that he knew I knew. It didn't really mean anything to me, but I knew that he was just saying it to say it. I sucked in a sharp breath, and nodded. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to say it back, but I didn't have to say it back for him to know. I loved him but I was just salty with the way he had been treating me.

"You're petty." I snickered, causing him to roll his eyes. We made it out of the tunnel, the sun lighting back up our world, my eyes taking a second to adjust.

Now we were in the nicer part of town, the nice big town houses, blooming flowers out front, cute gardens and ponds laced the outskirts of each home. Clearings that had padded down grass from the hundreds of picnics and late night star watchings that had taken place there. I felt my heart soften a little when we stepped over bits of sidewalk that had chalk drawn all over them, hearts and stars in different shades of pink, white and red. There was even a fox whose tail was as big as its head, and a bear with fluffy ears and paws.

The further from the town we got, the more forested areas we saw, bigger gaps between houses that were slowly turning into mansions.

Then we passed one particular forested area. One particular tree. A tree that had a wooden swing. I stopped for a moment, admiring it. I remembered it from the first day I went out biking with them. L and K carved into the wood on the backrest, a heart surrounding their initials.

Yeonjun noticed that I'd taken a liking to the swing. He stopped walking too, taking a step back to stand beside me, taking a second to stare at the swing too before he wrapped an arm around my waist, taking a few steps forward, dragging me with him. Closer and closer to the swing.

"What are you doing?" I giggled a little as he let me go, reaching into his pocket to grab a pocket knife.

"Proving my love."

I never knew he carried around a pocket knife, but I was thankful in that moment that he did. He got down on his knees, the grass below him welcoming him. I felt like I had to sit down with him, and so I did, my knees immediately engulfed in the cool grass.

Though I knew exactly what he was going to do when he said 'proving my love', I wanted to know what he really meant. I wanted to see him prove his love. Hopefully confess it too.

"You shouldn't be so nosy." He glared at me. I hadn't realized how close to him I'd gotten, to the point where my chin was resting on his shoulder as I peered over to see what he was doing.

The knife was soundly gripped in his vaguely shaky hand, hovering just over the wooden backrest, right under the heart of the other two, hopefully still together, initials.

"You shouldn't be so secretive." Even with that being said, I didn't move. I wanted to be there, I wanted to be close to him.

As I watched him, as I stared at his hands, both of our breathings increased. Slowly but surely, he carved in the wood, the letter B. My heart sparked, he had put mine first.

Then a Y. My eyes were twinkling.

His handwriting was much nicer when you saw it on the wood in comparison to a piece of paper. The irony of it made the whole thing just that much better.

Steadily, he carved out the heart, taking his time to get all of the curves and details just right. B and Y, right under L and K.

As soon as he put the knife down, I couldn't help myself but lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek. For some reason, that tiny peck felt like it meant just so much more than any other kiss we'd ever shared. I think he felt the same because his whole face lit up, causing him to turn to me with a bright smile.

I'd changed him. I'd given him a reason to be true.

But there was still no confession.

We stood and wiped off our pants, not wanting the grass to stain them though it was too late at that point, my knees sore and still recovering from being all cut up at the skate park, finding refuge on the concrete sidewalk. We both stared back at the swing though. I couldn't help but feel a twang in my heart.

From that far, you could tell which one was new. Which pair was faded and which was just starting off. All I hoped for was that Yeonjun and I would be able to have our initials grow mature and mossy, eroding in the rain and wind, the sun beaming down, but still there, never separated.