Destined To Fall

Chapter Eleven

Elayne

"Your own father could never love you Elayne.." the words that have suddenly become a constant reminder of the life I have led. When Astoria spoke such words, I never would have imagined how much they would affect me, at least not for this long. It has been a week since and yet everyday they replay themselves in my head. I would say I hate her, but what is there to hate when all she spoke were facts. I laughed lowly at the thought. I wish I could hate her, I thought.

I was just about to exit my chambers when a I came face to face with Vesper as soon as I had opened the doors. "Princess" he said, "when did you get here ?" I asked puzzled. I haven't seen him for a week in the palace "not too long ago" he said and I noticed the shine was back in his eyes. "How is your mother ?" We were walking down the hallway "She's fine princess" he said with a smile on his face, how I wish I could possess a smile of happiness. "That Is good to hear.." I said and then realized something "But why are you here ?" He looked confused "should you not be home until she fully recovers ?" I asked "Father had asked me to come back" confusion "Do you not know ?" More confusion, I gave him a questioning look "The ball" he said "What ball ?" I questioned "I guess Zyair hadn't told you yet" he said "The king is holding a ball in a week, father was supposed to be here for that amount of time but he could not come hence I am here in his place" a ball ? Why have I not heard about it. I nodded my head at him and suddenly remembered "Why were you standing before my chamber doors earlier?" I asked as we were headed for the dining room "were you looking for Zyair ?" I questioned and he shook his head "I went to see you" Confusion, again.

Before I could ask him why, Zyair appeared and stood beside me. "I see you have already said your greetings" he said looking from me to Vesper "Yes, yes we have" he said, smiling. How is he always smiling "May I have a word then princess" Zyair said gesturing for us to head out " I will take my leave" Vesper said and went on his way. "Are they not waiting for us inside ?" I asked him "they will carry on without us" he said leading me elsewhere. "Where are you taking me ?" I asked "no where in particular..." a pause "Walk with me" he said "I do not wish to your highness" I told him and remained where I stood. "Why is that princess ?" He  questioned "I need not to explain myself to you your highness" I told him "Why did you marry me Elayne ?" My eyes shot up puzzled "what do you mean ?" I asked "I mean, if you never had the intention of even having one decent conversation with me then why did you agree with the marriage ?" He asked "Your highness.." he cut me off "It is Zyair to you" I ignored him "Your highness, I believe it was you who insisted on the wedding when I asked you to decline" I told him "why do you think that was ?" He asked "I would like to ask you the same question" a pause "I had warned you not to go ahead with the marriage, I had told you nothing good will come from this" I told him "Then allow it to be something better than just good Elayne" he said moving closer "open up your heart, let me make something of this" he said, his hands on my shoulders. I moved back " I will say this again, nothing good will come out of this" I looked into his eyes and this time I could see sincerity. He was being sincere and all I did was slice his sincerity in half. "You could never love me anyway" I told him and walked away past him.

"I am not like your father Elayne.." those words had me rooted in one spot for too long "I can never treat you like that" he said and I said nothing, i just stared into space "let me in" I could hear the plea in his voice "Let me love you Elayne" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes "Let me provide for you the love you need" I still said nothing "Elayne.." a pause "look at me" I couldn't.  "turn around" I wouldn't. "I want to love you,  let me" a single tear trickled down my face "Turn around and let me love you, let me embrace you. Please" I wanted to, I really did. But the fear of disappointment was one I could not overcome. Tears were now racing down from my eyes. I wanted to run into his arms and let him embrace me, I wanted to fall and let him pick me up. I wanted to cry and let him wipe away my tears. I wanted to turn around and let him see me, let him love me. But I couldn't, so I left. Without turning back to look at him, I left him standing behind and with every step I could feel myself breaking but I cannot allow myself disappointment once more, I cannot. He can never love me, he must not.

I tried to convince myself with every step I took away from him, I really tried. But I failed because as soon as he was out of site I broke down. Unable to move, my legs had gotten weaker so I sat down, I sat down and I cried. For the first time in a long time, I cried. Just look at what my father had done.