TW: MULTIPLE CUSS WORDS
Hey! Formatting might be strange because I'm on my tablet.
Anyway, I just wanna to catch up a bit. This week I've been working on an English essay and a presentation for my school conference tomorrow. I also did an SAT.
One thing that made me happy today: My crush talking about me with other people. In a good way. I love how awkward he talks. I wish I knew whether what he said about liking boys is true. I know sometimes people think it's funny to pretend to like a certain gender or act homo just for fun. But would that be the case when he's talking with me about attractive men-? I dunno lol. I'm stupid.
Many things made me upset today.
1. We did a game in Spanish class where we had to read lips. I was put in a pair with one of my older crushes. He always got what I said faster than me picking up what he mouthed. I'm so bad at reading lips. I suck at it. He was getting frustrated and I hope it wasn't at me. I'm just terrible at lip-reading. I forgot to mention that we have super loud headphones on and can't hear each other or anything.
2. I didn't go to English class today.
3. I'm nervous because I haven't finished my assignments.
4. I have a conference tomorrow.
5. My siblings have been annoying me so much recently. Especially my step-brother. I've always had issues with my step-siblings. This is because they feel entitled to things and they're overall treated better than me and my bio siblings by my step-mom and my dad (kinda; because he gets frustrated too). So, my younger step-brother (the oldest of my two step-brothers) likes to say he loves my step-mom all the time. ALL the time. Every five minutes, he's saying he loves her. It might sound sweet, however, it's really not. He likes to use this to his advantage to get things out of my step-mom. He has spent $5,000+ (my dad's money) on things he doesn't need. But every time that he acts out of turn, cries to get his way, or screams at my step-mom because he's not getting his way, my step-mom baby talks him and never does anything about it. He's old enough to understand that his behavior is unacceptable. Anyway, he said it to her again today and I told him that he doesn't need to say it so much. She knows he loves her. She doesn't need to hear it every five seconds. I also kind of told him that she's getting tired of it (Which is true. We all know he's not genuine and just wants her money-). He told my parents about it and started bawling his eyes out. My step-mom came into my room and glared at me, asking why I'd said that to him. My dad got pissed off at me, as well. Okay, I know that it makes me sound like a dick. With no context. But all three of us know, no matter how much my step-mom tries to ignore it or pretend it isn't true, my step-brother doesn't truly love any of us. He just tolerates us and uses us for money. He's used me for money before and told me to my face that he's going to start doing it more often. And I know he fake cries to direct things at other people. It doesn't make me pity him. At all. So AITA? I dunno. Maybe I should listen to my dad and shut up. 🤷♂️
6. Also, the argument with my dad. He told me I need to stop being inconsiderate of peoples' feelings. Okay. I try my best. I really do. But my step-brother pushes the limits. Then my dad went a step above and asked me how I keep any of my friends. He asked me if I act like an asshole with them. I told him no. My friends don't irritate me like my family does. He asked me if that is fair. Why should I "treat my family like crap" and then "act like a sweet angel to my friends?" I then retorted by asking, "Then why do you say all the crap that you say to us every single day? Is that fair? We both say crappy things. We all do. Everyone does." He said, "Seriously? Why do you have to be such a smart-ass?" Then proceeded to make fun of how I'm standing and glaring at him, like I'm acting insane.
I just... want to move out already. I'm so excited. I want it to be over with. I want to be able to be me. I want to do things how I want to do them. I don't want to be shoved around all the time and made fun of and framed and all the things that my family does to me.
Love you guys. Thank you for listening to me rant. <3
I kinda feel like a prick right now-
