HI. SO- I HAVENT HAD MANY EVENTS HAPPEN RECENTLY.
except Easter and stuff, but like-
ANYWAY-
Today was... fun. VERY FUN.
I played a bit of Roblox this morning before getting up and doing my chores. My chores were to clean the bathroom and load the dishes. Pretty easy, imo. But loading the dishes stresses me out a bit and just the sight of a knife makes me feel weird. My dog sat in the bathroom while I cleaned the bathroom and I wanted to pet him so bad, but I had CLEANER on my hands and couldn't. *sob*
My two oldest of my three younger brothers thought it would be funny to "prank" the youngest brother today for April Fools, so they set up plastic wrap traps in the hallway. They even put a bunch of tape on his doorknob and facing toward him on his bed frame for when he wakes up. Good thing I came in like a good brother and peeled the tape off and sabotaged their plan by waking him up and telling him to watch out for plastic wrap.
After all of that stuff, I went to the living room and was told that me and my siblings need to DETOX FROM ELECTRONICS. BRO-
ME AND MY SIBLINGS ALREADY HAVE A TIME LIMIT. We are supposed to go from 4pm - 5:30pm. THATS IT. But weekends and breaks are different. What the hell does he mean that we need to detox?? That's like putting me on small meds daily and then suddenly taking me off and saying I need to detox. Like what? It was barely enough to make me addicted. How am I supposed to be addicted when we get in trouble and have no time to use our stuff?
Well, I sneak it, but I'm a teen and I crave social interaction because I'm fucking lonely-
I'm not even allowed to text my friends. Not allowed to text FAMILY. My dad says, "Wait till it's time."
Dad, I need you to look up something. I want to show you something really cool!
"Wait till it's time."
...Dad, I'm not gonna remember- 😀🔫
But okay- I guess. Aside from that, most of my day was super boring. I tried reading a book and my ADD got me distracted and I ended up cuddling my dog and messing with stuff and then just making noises and staring at the wall.
I went for a bike ride and I felt super cool, imagining being someone watching me and imagining they had a crush on me and then immediately trying to ride faster and make myself even cooler- I feel like that's just a me thing. Like, trying to make yourself seem cooler for your imaginary fans and admirers.
Then I went for a walk with my stepbrother. It was pretty cool. We brought Chewie with us. Sat under a gazebo by the river in town. A W E S O M E.
We saw some old drunk men, too. That was pretty funny. One was trying to have a conversation on the phone and he could barely speak xD
Then we walked to the free library in town and we saw some... questionable books. There were a few with shirtless men on the covers and I was like, "Mm, you should get that one." 😏
My stepbrother looked at me like WTF and said "that's gay."
I know... I know- pfft-
We then PROCEEDED to walk home. Yes, very fun walk in slight heat. Chewie was panting from the VERY strenuous walk and SCORCHING heat. (Sarcasm btw)
I got home and waited till 4pm. Very impatiently. I snuck my tablet a few times.
I also kinda started doubting myself and ALMOST started crying.
This is mostly because I've been beginning to think that none of my crushes will ever like me. It's sort of a given, I know. I'm not partner material. I get it. I'm friend material. Always friend material. I am the kindest person you meet. I've been told this a million times. People I don't even like have told me that I'm their favorite person to talk to. Because I love to listen. I love to help and figure out problems. I love to hug people. I genuinely almost cry if someone hugs me for over five seconds. I just want someone to love me, but it's okay! That just means I haven't met my person yet. My future snuggle buddy best beware for the best snuggles and kisses of their life >:0
On to what happened later...
I played Roblox with my siblings and stuff. Then we get on to the good part... LMFAO—
Me and my brothers watched a bunch of gay videos and bursted out laughing a million times. My siblings already know that my YouTube feed is FULL of gay stuff, because there are gay videos that I like watching that are cute or make me sad or make me feel single and then my whole page fills with related videos. They don't care if I show them. They love gay videos lmao-
Then there was a really inappropriate one and me and my dad made eye contact and I turned my volume really low before going to a different video and turning up the sound again. "HEY, [brother's name], THIS IS JUST MHA STUFF, RIGHT? HAHAH-"
My brother: ._. *looks at my dad* [wrong pronoun] likes co-
My dad: I know...
Thanks, guys. Thanks.
Annnyyyway-
I feel really snuggly right now, but my dog bit my face earlier for kissing all over him and snuggling him and nuzzling him, so I am resorting to my cat pillow and I am SO sad because I wish I had someone to snuggle-
RIP my crushes on people, btw. *sigh*
I NEED NEW ONES >:(
BETTER ONES
OH
ALSO-
My siblings... have been calling me Ziggy recently and... not... my dead name. So- like... do they support me? :DDD
I've also been making it blatantly obvious that I'm male by doing the normal masculine things I always feel like doing and my dad thinks it's weird, but it feels natural to me and makes me feel cool, especially when my friend joked and said I looked hot once. Thanks, dude. Up top. ✋😎
(P.S. IF I MADE MISTAKES ON THIS, ITS BECAUSE I WROTE THIS AT MIDNIGHT.)
