(Just gonna type it because I can't add pictures on my tablet)
"Your answers to the Self-Sabotage Quiz indicate that you have high levels of self-sabotage operating in your life.
You either spend a lot of time and energy trying to manage other people's opinions of you, or you are deeply resigned about the conditions of your life.
This reflects a build up of toxic shame, which erodes your self-esteem and paralyzes you from taking corrective actions.
If left unchecked, the internal chaos you are experiencing may lead you on a crash course for disaster.
Every act of self-sabotage presents an opportunity to awaken you to what is truly important. Your deepest pain, when digested and understood, is designed to lead you to your greatest destiny.
Here's the great news. Your self-sabotage presents an opportunity to radically reinvent yourself and your life so you can stop spinning out of control and beating yourself up.
Get all the details about our life-changing program Radical Reinvention below.
Do you need to rebuild trust in yourself and the world?
Are you sick of playing small, feeling stuck, and accepting mediocrity?
Are you ready to claim your greatness?
No matter what has happened in your past...
No matter what mistakes you've made...
No matter what disappointments you've endured...
No matter what pain you've suffered...
You can reinvent yourself anew!
Right now, you are trapped inside the limitations of your beliefs, behaviors, habits, and patterns and they are influencing every relationship, goal, dream, and desire that your soul is yearning for. These limitations are part of your human shadow, the part of you that lurks in your unconscious, and determines how much success and joy you will experience or how much silent suffering and self-sabotage you will bear.
Imagine if instead of being controlled by your shadow, you could step out of the darkness and into the light of awareness that will lead you to manifesting what your soul longs for. Whether it's more money, a healthier body, a new job, a better relationship, or a more meaningful career, Radical Reinvention is a goal-oriented program that will free you from the limitations that impact and sabotage every aspect of your life.
If you are ready to catapult yourself from fear to faith, resignation to motivation, and predictability and paralysis to passion and possibility, then let us inform, inspire, and empower you to:
Dismantle the old beliefs, thoughts and patterns that keep you stuck.
Uncover and resolve core issues that stand in the way of you reaching your goals.
Gain access to your inner wisdom and increase self-awareness and trust.
Be real with yourself and others.
Unveil the highest vision for yourself, your life and your future.
Be more decisive and take action to manifest your vision.
Achieve a goal that has been eluding you.
Increase feelings of authenticity, confidence, and self-worth.
If you want a proven structure that guarantees success, ensures deep and lasting change, and will move you in the direction of your dreams in just 12 weeks, then the time is now for Radical Reinvention."
My thoughts:
I already know that I'm a defeatist. It's the opposite of an optimist. I'm a pretty good pretender. I'm sure. I might seem like such a happy person outwardly, but I just can't- like- I can't be like that on the inside. I don't feel happy or view very many things in a happy way. My mind tends to spiral and think about things negatively. Or I'll randomly get a voice in my head telling me that everything I'm doing is wrong. Everyone hates me. Everyone is just lying to me. Everyone is pretending. I'm going to get nowhere. There's no happy ending for me.
It's sad. It is! But it's just how it is and no one can change it.
Someone's opinion of me controls my life. I've been conditioned that way. If I finally come to realize that someone dislikes or hates me, it causes me to panic. The last time that I heard someone didn't like me, I cried. I try my absolute best to be likable to everyone of all different types. I feel like I do pretty good! But there are people who don't like the positivity that I put out. I guess?
My views on myself often conflict with the crushes I start having on people. My crushes usually crumble and burst into flames due to how I'm feeling. I don't want to be viewed in a bad light, so I turn into the best friend that they want. I'll hug them. This makes me almost cry. Last time I hugged my crush:
Crush - "Oh, wow! You're a gentle hugger, huh?" continues hugging me for a longer amount of time*
Me - "... Mhm..."
I started to smile. My eyes were a bit wet. I played it off as not having a hug in a while and just really needing one, but it just really hurts.
Anyway, nevermind, this isn't even the point of the test.
Toxic shame over my actions causes me to lash out at myself. I've hatefully said mean things to myself, pulled my hair, slapped myself (actually really hard), pinched myself, told myself I'm not eating today to "punish" myself, and cried in my bed all night. Multiple times.
My self esteem is extremely low. I like to look in the mirror and pretend I'm a good looking person, but I know that I'm really not. Why else would no one ever come up to me or start liking me sooner?? I try my best in the personality department. I get friendly compliments from people at school all the time for it. I've been told that I'm the nicest person someone knows. But it's no good anyway. No one appreciates it how I want someone to. Someone I liked a lot, someone who used to be so nice to me and look in my eyes when I spoke and always said hi to me and always wanted to be with me in a group in class, called me a freak. How am I supposed to go on believing everyone who is kind to me anymore?
I'm definitely leaving my internal chaos unchecked. There's no use in trying to correct it or better it. I can't. No amount of therapy or trying to heal will change it. Therapy doesn't help me at all. It leaves me stressed out. I hate talking to anyone about the things I keep personal to myself. I don't even tell my family or closest friends about my inner self, why would I tell an absolute stranger? It doesn't feel good when someone you don't know's first impression of you is that you're a screw up. I get that it's their job to listen and try to help, but all of my therapists have given me dirty looks or tried to change how I felt about things when it was in no way something that they needed to touch on or bring up.
And yes, I suppose all of the pain and suffering I go through will lead me to a good future. I want to believe it. I want EVERYONE to believe it. But I know that deep down, I'm doubtful.
I will always beat myself up. There will never be a time where I am not. It's like an internal instinct. I've been doing this for so long. I've been conditioned to do it.
I don't know if I want the "Radical Reinvention"- Sounds kinda, I dunno, useless? To me, at least.
