why?

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Dear God, please, hear me out
I know it's been a couple years
Since I've reached out and said hello
I bet You're wondering
Why I keep
Obsessing on and stressing all the little things
When I should be
Living life and soaking up the memories
I know I've been selfish, I have
No excuse to give you, it's true
Hanging by a thread's how I live
I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable
Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames, acting like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who
Who I'd be if I was happy
Yeah, been this way so long
It feels like something's off when I'm not depressed
I got some issues that I won't address
I got some baggage I ain't opened yet
I got some demons I should put to rest
I got some traumas that I can't forget
I got some phone calls I been avoiding
Some family members I don't really connect with
Some things I said I wish I would of not let slip
Some hurtful words that never should of left my lips
Some bridges burned, I'm not ready to rebuild yet
Some insecurities I haven't dealt with, yes
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lonely soul
And the last to admit I need a hand to hold
Losing hope, headed down a dangerous road
Strange, I know, but I feel most at home when I'm
Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames acting, like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who
Who I'd be if I was happy
Don't know what's around the bend
Don't know what my future is
But I can't keep on living in
Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem
Go up in flames acting, like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who
Who I'd be if I was happy
If I was happy
If I was happy

Why is NF such a relatable songwriter? I love his music. All of the crap he's gone through and the things he feels relate to me a whole lot. I listen to his songs on repeat, especially this one. I usually only listen to him when I'm crying, but I've been listening to him even when I'm happy more often. The songs have a calm effect on me.

I give all of my hugs to you guys. Sorry I've been a bit inactive. I'm in a "give up" mood. Whenever I'm in one of these moods, I just feel like listening to music and laying down and doing nothing. Maybe cry when thinking about stuff, but most of it's just quiet resting.

ANYWAY

I love you guys. <33

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