Speaking Out

To the one that got away

If I could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

I remember it clearly, every detail as though it were yesterday

We walked and talked all through the night, then we reached that little bridge and everything was so perfect. There were stars overhead and fireworks exploding, there was the traffic below us but the lights that shone were hypnotizing. I looked at you and you refused to look back cause I know you knew that if you did then this night wouldn't last. 

A part of me wanted to let you be and just enjoy being here, under the night sky, watching the lights, and just be in each others company. That didn't happen though 'cause I had to go and ruin it, I had to look you in the eyes, I implored you to look in mine, and with a heavy heart, what we had, I ended it. I know you were trying not to cry as you tried to convince me that you were fine. That you still loved me even though I couldn't say I felt the same. That you'd wait for me till I could figure things out and that you just wanna be with me even if I couldnt reciprocate, the way you felt about me, you felt so much more for me and knowing that was just something I couldnt take...

I know now that I was scared, that I was immature, and I regret not telling you how I really felt. But at the time I was confused, you were the first to care about me and I didnt know what to do. 

If I could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

I, I would still be the same, scared and immature but this time, this time I would compel myself to not say a thing. To just enjoy the moment and when the time comes when you look at me and ask me to be yours, truthfully I think I'd still hesitate and then history would repeat itself and the night would still end with both hearts in pain.

You're happy now cause you found someone else and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy for you cause I am. But how could you fall for someone else so fast when you told me no one could ever replace what we had. And I have no right to feel this way cause it was all my fault, I broke things off, I pushed you away, even though you tried so hard to hold on, you tried so hard to stay. I'm not mad at you, I don't hate you for having someone. I'm mad at me for ever hoping that you'd still love me after what I'd done.

If I could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways, 

Nothing would change, cause I'd still be me, and being me means being afraid, but maybe this time I won't hesitate, maybe this time your pleas to stay would be met with less resistance, maybe this time all I'd ask for is some time and some distance. But I know this'll never happen, I lost my shot, I missed my chance. And with a pen in hand, I'm writing it all down. Now I'm standing here spilling everything out to this crowd, all the things I wanted but could never tell you out loud.

If I could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways, 

I remember it clearly. It was Valentine's day.