Shen Nyan's taile

Conflicted emotions

When he sees the person inside the bamboo house, his mind is somehow in complete disarray and empty at the same time. He isn't sure what to think about it.

He's not a fool; he knows from the presence and the person's qi that this is indeed Jing, but how can that be? He hadn't noticed anything that would make Jing special compared to other mooncoons. How could he not notice? Has he really become this trusting?

How could he let someone get that close to him so easily? How could he let a man get that close to him so easily? The thought makes his stomach turn.

He doesn't fully process the information, but there's something he does know: he can't let Jing stay. Before he even fully thought it through, he had already dragged and thrown Jing outside by it's hair. The sudden yelp and struggle go unnoticed by him.

He's once more alone in the house, and he isn't sure what to do at this point. How could he let this happen? He'd been smart; how could he be fooled so easily by a man?

He doesn't know what to do, so he does something that helps him clear his mind, something that feels natural: he lights a fire. Orange and yellow flames dangerously dance on the furniture, lit aflame.

He knows the fire won't spread; it's controlled. Yet, even with that knowledge, understanding the destructive power of the flames makes him feel comforted. It clears his mind.

When he stares at the endless burning of the flames, his head is empty, but not in a way that makes him panic. It feels like a warm blanket draped over him while he slumbers dreamlessly. Sometimes he wants to light the whole world aflame.

There's no way of knowing how much time passes. Shen Qingqiu doesn't pay attention to it and frankly doesn't care. It's only once he hears the raindrops hitting the bamboo house's roof that he thinks of the shapeshifter outside.

He should have just killed it. As that thought crosses his mind, he glances at Xiu Ya in its sheathe. The moment he met the beast and the moment he saw it in another form, in both of those situations, the sentence applies: he should have just killed it. Having a beast with intelligence loose on the peak is much more dangerous than just a normal mooncoon.

He grips the sword's sheath. Was Qi-ge right? He really can't handle a measly mooncoon? He scoffs. It's not like Yue Qingyuan is any more trustworthy than that beast, that man.

He listens to the rain for a good moment. But if Jing is a person, then doesn't that mean Jing had stayed with him out of choice and not because Jing was raised by a tamer? Doesn't that mean Jing didn't run away even when it had the chance? And didn't that mean Jing chose not to attack him?

He kicked, threw, and stomped on Jing. Jing didn't seem to hate or fear him after all that. Doesn't that mean something still? Doesn't that mean Jing genuinely wants to stay with him and doesn't have some ulterior motive?

He feels so conflicted with his emotions that deciding what to do next is difficult. Should he go find Jing and cut the mooncoon's head off, or should he bring it home? Should he just leave it alone and hope that it leaves?

Mooncoons eat people if they're able to. Even if he believes in his disciples to be able to handle one mooncoon, Jing seems to be more intelligent. It could kill a weak one like Ning Yingying and parade around as her. Ning Yingying...

He should go find Jing and kill it, but killing him feels like it's not the right course of action somehow. He feels like if he kills Jing, he'll be alone again. Despite what others may say about his coldness and arrogance, he doesn't want to be alone.

The furniture that he lit the fire on was already charred black at this point. Behind the shelf, which was starting to slowly crumble from being burned, revealed a hole in the wall. Jing could have left at any moment he wanted to.

At this point, he isn't even sure how to feel. He hears a few knocks on his door. With a snap of his fingers, he puts out the fire and glances at the door. Should he open it? What if it's Jing?

Regardless of the thought he composed himself, and with a slightly shaky hand, he opened the door. What entered his sight was Ning Yingying carrying Jing in his mooncoon form. The mooncoon is soaked wet from the rain.

"Greetings, Shìzūn! I noticed that Jing was outside again, so I thought I'd tell you," Ning Yingying spoke cheerfully, her own clothes getting wet while standing out in the rain.

"Yes, well, I'll take him. You should get back to the dormitories. Staying healthy is important," he nodded slightly and took Jing into his arms. His sleeves were already wet with cold water by the time Ning Yingying had run off with a few words.

With a look around, he closed the door and set Jing down on the ground. It seemed to be sleeping, despite the conditions. With a silent movement, Shen Qingqiu drew Xiu Ya out of its sheath and looked down at Jing.

He was intending to kill him quickly, but he couldn't. Jing looked so small with his fur wet and pressed up against his body. He knew that he shouldn't, but he put Xiu Ya back in its sheath and instead picked up Jing once more.

Everything that he has had has always been taken away from him. His entire life. Any money that he earned as a child was taken from him, any food that he had managed to get was stolen right out of his hands, his Qi-ge had left him to fend for himself in that manner. He just desperately wants something that's his.

Maybe Jing can be that something. Maybe it's fine to keep someone closer just this once.

-

With shaking hands, Shen Qingqiu carries Shen Yuan over to the bed and curls around the mooncoon in a hugging manner. The bedsheets were getting wet from Jing's fur.
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Yeah, so Shen Jiu doesn't react well to the fact that Shen Yuan is a person.