Catching Feelings.

Begin Again

"Baby it's something you did to hold me on, maybe there's something that just keeps me from moving on. The moment I see you, I know it's gonna be you, I got this figured out. It's like I'm falling in love all over again, for the first time and I know that it feels right. I think i'm falling in love all over again, love at first sight do you know how i feel to the left, on the right, to the back, on the side, tonight." All Over Again ~ Big Time Rush.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say I missed Zayn was an understatement. I felt like a part of my soul was missing. Sure, we talked a lot and we skyped whenever he had the chance, but he wasn't there with me. I couldn't feel his touch or his soft lips touching my skin and sending crazy shivers down my spine. It's been 3 months since the boys started their tour. They were doing a pretty amazing job. The whole world was happy with the great shows they performed.  

During the whole 3 months, all I did was sit at home. My "going-out"s were very rare. I really didn't like going in public all alone, since all the boys' fans run to me like i'm a celebrity. I hated attention, not to mention that paparazzi were literally camping outside my apartment. Whenever I went out or anybody I knew came in, the paps would go crazy and start asking pretty absurd questions. I tried my best to contain my anger and keep my cool. Zayn also taught me how to ignore them and their snotty comments. He said that they try to push my buttons so I could flip and they'll have a story to blab about. I held on pretty well, but enough is enough.  

"How are you and Zayn?" The paps asked once when I was leaving my building. Even if I stayed quite, they would keep going under my skin and piss me off. 

"Me and Zayn are grand." I smiled "Thanks for your extreme concern" I added, sarcastically. 

"Does he have his mistress going on tour with him?" one of them asked. I just shook my head at how shallow some people can be and remained silent. 

"I'll take your silence as a yes." He continued. I glared at him and completed my "Journey" towards my car. 

"I bet you have a new boyfriend too." Another one added. And that's when I lost it.  

"Are your parents proud of you?" I asked once I stopped walking and shot daggers at them. 

"Yeah. I mean I am making them proud." someone said smugly.  

"Yeah. I bet." I said with sarcasm dripping with every word. I tried to complete my way but the photo taking continued "Ugh! Go follow Adelle or Beyoncé! Not an irrelevant person like me." I sighed "I can assure you that people can't care less about my every move."  

"But they care about your boyfriend." a guy stated in a matter-of-factly.  

"The last time I checked, my boyfriend was in Europe not with me." I snapped. I finally made my way to my car and rolled down the window at the passenger's side.  

"Before I forget. 2 streets from here, you go right, then right again, then left. There is a small store that sells things called "Life". Go buy one." I sarcastically joked before I shot them a very innocent smile and drove off. I didn't care about all the drama this would make or whatever it gets me into. I had a life and I was sure as hell planning to live it normally. Surprisingly, all what I said to those paps didn't go viral. So maybe I was an irrelevant person, after all. Not that i'm complaining. I'll leave the fame and glory to my boyfriend and best friends. The shadow was good for me. 

                                                   -----------------------------------------------------

I spent 3 months dwelling on what had happened with my life, I couldn't help but feel the guilt and the grief build up inside me. I over thought everything I did. I tried to convince myself that what happened was just a test from God to see if we should be together. I felt like I screwed up and if I wasn't stubborn, things would've taken a different route. Zayn would've left knowing that he has my support all the way. But he left angry, sad and hurt. His broken hand was the biggest proof. He left without me saying goodbye or wishing him luck.