Aurel

twenty-two

Fresh ink, cozy little bookstores and reading nooks. Turning leaves, green, mustard yellow, beautiful vermilion. Cooler weather gave her chills but his warmth chased it away. Record shops and oldies on vinyl. She enjoyed it. This. Him. Getting to know him. Really get to know him.

He liked so many genres of music. Folk. The blues. Alternative rock. Synthwave. Even R&B. A total music freak, he had original copies of some of the oldest music recordings ever made, pictures with some of the greats now dead and buried. A small framed picture of him with the Father of Blues W.C Handy was put next to a vintage record player, a gramophone.

After a few more months of continued meeting outside of his home, he'd finally invited her over to his apartment and it shocked her how mundane and normal it was. His style was masculine yet cozy, and his aesthetic was a dark academia type vibe. There were no coffin beds, no black and red drapes, no scary capes or hidden human bodies. There was plenty of sunlight, light that entered in through floor to ceiling windows onto gorgeous teal couches and arm chairs. 

Dark moody colors on the walls, gave expressive and dramatic. Victorian style scones added a touch of vamp but the plants nestled in the corners were refreshing. Plush expensive looking rugs and gilded mirrors and baroque decor suggested an old time elegance. Frankly, she was obsessed. His apartment was probably one of the prettiest places she'd been in and it all was real. Lived in. Pieces of time long ago woven in with his present.
"Are you ready for our book date?" She turned around to see him dressed in sweats and a sleeveless shirt. His hair had grown longer, past his shoulders now and every time she saw it she resisted the black girl urge to braid it.

He had two mugs in his hands and with a slight nod of his head motioned for his living room.
"Yup," She answered, starting to follow him. Making herself comfortable, she sat Indian style on one of those plush couches. He sat opposite her on the floor. Taking a sip, his eyes seemed to glitter, the most intense shade of blue she think she'd ever seen. He didn't say anything yet and she couldn't either. They stared until she finally broke contact.
"Why're you staring at me like that?"
"I just can't get over how beautiful you are." Feeling her cheeks blossom in color, she cleared her throat. Her expression made him smirk and he chuckled to himself before placing the mug down onto the table.
"It's natural, having you here." He observed, sliding fingers through long inky strands.
"Yeah.. I feel the same." Accepting her answer with a smile, he opened those  eyes full of mystery.
"Are you hungry, love?"
"Huh? Oh um.. a little bit yeah. I didn't eat much after work today."
"I am too. Not in the mood to cook anything so is Chinese takeout okay with you?"
"Sure," Getting up, he headed into the kitchen and retrieved a Chinese menu. Returning to her, he handed it to her to browse. It wasn't long before he'd called the order in and was back sitting across from her.
"Tell me what you've been reading."
"Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. It's so good."
"Hm," He reached over and grabbed the recommended title and read the back.
"Oh, this sounds interesting."
"Octavia Butler is one of my favorite authors." Taking the liberty, he opened it and by the first few pages knew that he would read more. Placing it back down on the coffee table, he took his book in hand and handed it to her.
"I've been reading Once an Eagle by Anton Myrer." Her eyebrows shot up.
"What's that about?"
"It's a delicate juxtaposition between a boy soldier and his adversary. It centers on themes of war, duty, and peace."
"Ooh. That sounds just as interesting as mine."
"It is, so far. What of it I've read." She didn't respond as yet, reading the insert on the inside. It made me think of a lot.
Did it?
The two characters are quite stubborn.
Oh?
Like you and I. She lifted her eyes then.
"We've almost reached four full months of dating one another."
"It doesn't seem like it's been that long already," Her tone expressed surprise and a trickle of awe.
"I've enjoyed our journey so far. It's been slow but steady." She agreed.
"Yeah. Once we finally mapped out what we were to one another,"
"You told me what you wanted to be when you were raving mad with jealousy. It was quite cute." Her lips pouted and she cut her eyes at him.
"I can admit it now, yeah I was jealous. That hoe bag needs to maintain a distance of at least a 100 feet from you," He chuckled then, eyes filled with glee.
"Yes, well, you've done a good job of ensuring that haven't you? Our little lunch dates have all but shut her out."
"Good. I'm glad."
"I like having you all to myself anyhow," He mused, reaching for his cup of tea.
"I want to know more about you, Jasper. Truthfully, my reasoning for calling you here tonight was a large part selfish."
"How so?"
"I want to know everything there is to know about you. I crave it." Placing his book back down, she swallowed tightly.
"What exactly do you want to know?"
"How did your parents arrive at such a unique name for you? Do you have siblings? Things like that," Cheeks warm, she fought against the urge to resist and run. No, she wouldn't run from him. She'd run towards him. Licking her lips, her inhale was shaky.
"I have three brothers. Flint is the oldest. The middle brother is Beryl but he just goes by Barry. The youngest of them is Garnet or Gar for short."
"The last, the true youngest is you, Jasper."
"Yup."
"So, your parents have an affinity for gemstones,"
"Yeah. My mom's name is Opal."
"Ah. What an endearing legacy," She blushed girlishly.
"Jasper is not only known for its beautiful colors, most commonly red, but for its supposed healing properties. I was born with natural red hair. It makes sense,"
"Go on,"
"My mom also wanted to name me something unique. She told me that she wanted my name to signify something powerful like the women in the Bible,"
"Oh?"
"Mmhm. There are a million Ruths and Marys but how many girls are named Jasper?"
"Very true,"
"Jasper is said to sustain and support one through stressful situations. A stone of tranquility, healing, and protection. I've never been into stones and gems much as it relates to powers and stuff but..."
"The name fits perfectly." She smiled at him and began toying with one of those gorgeous red curls.
"You think so?"
"Absolutely! Everything about it describes your character."
"Thanks."
"Of course,"
"Funny thing is, I used to hate my name. I used to hate my hair. My body. I hated everything about myself," She was now speaking a language that he hadn't found the courage yet to voice.
"It didn't help that Ollie would amplify it. He would always point out my flaws. My stomach was not flat enough for him. Course, I'd never been a real big girl but to him, I was overweight." He couldn't control the growl of displeasure that vibrated through his throat.
"He didn't have a problem with my boobs at first but the more he demanded to see them and I refused, he started comparing them to other girls. He talked about me so bad it messed with me for a long time." There was an embarrassed and almost innocent flush that had come to her face now.
"His words still affect you,"
"I guess so yeah. After all this time, it's crazy how much influence words have."
"Allow me to dispel something," Taking her hand, he made direct eye contact. 
"Every part of you was created without fail or mistake. I believe that," She didn't reply to that with words, instead her voice caressed his mind soft and sweet. I could say the same about you, you know. But thank you.
"I'm proud of you for sharing. I know it's very personal and uncomfortable for you."
"Yeah, no problem." There was a comfortable silence as the two of them enjoyed the touch of the other.
"Want to continue?"
"Only if you share next," It scared him to even think about it. If Jasper could be brave then so could he.
"Alright,"
"Okay so.. after my breakup with Ollie, it was a few months before I met this guy on campus. James."
"Don't tell me he was another abusive piece of shit,"
"No... James was really sweet. He actually was a good boyfriend to me."
"But?"
"He was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer at the age of 19."
"Shit,"
"Yeah... it took us all by surprise."
"So, you broke up with him because of his diagnosis?"
"Yeah. He needed to be close to his family and stuff. He dropped out of school and moved back home before the end of the school year."
"I see,"
"It took me a really long time to find myself again. But, I did it. I'm here now." He looked like he was contemplating something but he kept his mouth shut.
"Lio?"
"Yes?"
"Do you still love Anne?" Her question caused his heart to beat abnormally and he felt his palms sweat.
"No," She appeared relieved at the answer and visibly released tension in her shoulders.
"I..." Big breath.
"I have spent my time mourning what could have been. Mourning the life I wanted with her."
"I see."
"I wasn't nearly ready for it. What I thought I wanted." Her full attention now all on him, he continued.
"I wasn't mature enough to love her in any capacity. Or be a father." Ah. She'd forgotten that Anne had been trying to get pregnant. It appeared that she had succeeded.
"The thought of having a family, something I never had excited me. But, even now... Even after 200 years... I confess I still don't know what I'm doing at times." His honesty made her smile.
"I respect that. I appreciate that."
"Anne was so far from me, so different. She was a realist. I had my head in the clouds most of the time. Our experiences differed so greatly and I didn't take the time to even try to see her point of view. Until much much later." Sighing, he licked his lips nervously.
"May I ask what happened to her? We never explored her much." He appeared hesitant and withdrew all hands from her reach. He didn't look at her but he bravely opened his mouth to speak.
"She was murdered." Sadness spread across her chest and she actually felt like she wanted to cry as she watched him relive the pain and the memory.
"Her enslaver killed her in cold blood. In front of the entire company of enslaved, his wife, the overseers. In front of me."
"Dear God,"
"He took two lives that day. Hers and our unborn."
"Lio, I'm so sorry..."
"It took me some time, much much later, but I repaid them their due. I always repay what is owed." Closing his eyes, he shut out light and the vision of her that took up space in his eyes.
"I killed him. I ripped his throat apart and fed on his flesh." She could tell that he was reliving it and wrapped arms around herself.
"When I had been human, his wife had desired me. I was not ignorant of it. Preoccupied but never ignorant. So, when I returned, now as a vampire, I fulfilled her fantasies. I showed her mercy before her death."
"Did you sleep with her?"
"I did." Her chest grew tight.
"Her foolish husband happened to make his way back from the bed of a child and caught us in the act." Her breath stilled.
"I enjoyed it. I reveled in the way his wife surrendered to her lust and the enraged shock on his face. I loved every minute of it." Opening his eyes, piercing blue now looked at her.
"It didn't compare to the feeling of his warm blood filling my mouth as I ripped him to shreds. He was the first kill that I didn't feel guilty for. The rush of it all...it aroused me." He shook his head as if his words were hard to believe even to himself.
"Even so, with that, I couldn't get rid of the nagging rage that clawed at my insides. Deep down, I am still that mute child, ready to shed blood to survive." He could feel an unsettled feeling arise in her and softened his facial features, caused even his voice to grow gentle and warm.
"Be honest with me Jasper. Are you afraid of me?" She swallowed tightly and for a moment, gathered her breath.
"When you talk like this, yeah. A little bit." Sliding his hand across the table, palm side up, he waited for her to touch him back.
"I wouldn't hurt you. Ever." His voice was so serious then and it gave her a chill. "How do you know that? Like honestly how are you so sure that you won't?" She still hadn't taken his hand and he still hadn't moved it from in front of her.
"This...bloodlust...it makes you so hungry that you kill people. What if you get so hungry that you..." Her voice drifted off and she tightened her arms around herself.
"I don't think that you're a bad person Lio. Truly."
"But?"
"There's aspects of who you are that make me uneasy."
"Expand."
"I've never seen you drink any blood around me so that makes me think that you kill someone every night. You just admitted that you enjoy the kill. I just... that doesn't sit right with me."
"Your point is valid. Go on,"
"There's so much inside of you that you haven't even allowed yourself to deal with. And... it makes me wonder... how are you going to love me the way I need to be loved when...when you don't love yourself? You haven't even accepted yourself as you are now. I guess if I were a vampire it would be hard for me to accept myself too." Her words provoked a strong feeling of hurt but he breathed through it. He accepted it. It was then that he pulled his hand back from her and let it fall into his lap.
"Your points are valid. Very valid." She appeared apologetic, knowing she'd hurt him with her words.
"I don't doubt that you will, Lio. I just... I still have so many questions. Were you married at one point? Did you have more kids? Why were you never able to let go of the pain?"
"Yes, I was married at one time. Her name was Agnes. She was the daughter of a very prominent member of the English court. Our union brought great power to her House." He wasn't looking at her now and that made her feel terrible.
"I was five years older than her. A purely political match, she nor I ever really loved one another. From the beginning, it was dictated to her what her expectations were, being wife to a well known and well liked prince. I confess, I wasn't a good husband to her. Perhaps it was my lack of affection of her that caused our marriage to spiral out of control." Jasper was quiet, hanging on every word.
"As we grew older and more seasoned in our marriage, we both realized that we would be the most content away from one another. She knew of my sexual appetite and she didn't oppose it or try to stop it. She had her lovers and affairs and she let me do as I pleased. Her only request was that I didn't impregnate anyone.  Likewise, my only request was that she took care not to allow another to impregnate her." He sighed heavily.
"Agnes bore two children. Both of which were stillborn. She blamed me for it all. and I let her."
"Why? It was outside of your control,"
"My seed has been cursed from the moment I was born." At once, she had a flashback of that man that said those evil things about him as a child.
"Lio,"
"I know what I am. And maybe the way I lived my life as a human resulted in the way I live now as a vampire. Perhaps it is all apart of God's wrath owed to me." She couldn't say anything, now immobile as he continued to give 200 years of his pain a voice.
"We were baptized, married and united under the Protestant Anglican faith. For a long time, I actually believed, I tried to anyway. I thought I had been forgiven for all of my sins. The night I was murdered and turned, all aspects of heaven and forgiveness left me. In its wake the angel of death and hell washed me anew." His eyes had changed color, a stormy blue-grey.
"I hated my mother." Those eyes of his, filled with so much torment and pain had started to fill with tears.
"I fucking hated everything about her. How weak she had been. How could she let a brutish blue-eyed devil curse our entire bloodline? Why didn't she fight back? Why did she let him in? Why did she let him take her life?" A metamorphosis was happening before her very eyes and in so many ways, with each cry and sob he released, she watched the little boy, the one she'd been introduced to...robbed of words and robbed of life start to shed the grief.
"I hated my father for everything he fucking stood for. Arrogant pompous sod. He felt like everything in the world belonged to him. All because he had been told that God had given him the authority of the world. What bullshit. I hated him for soiling my mother and ruining her life. I hated him for giving me his face, his eyes, his insatiable lusts. I hadn't asked to be born and they both could've done me a favor and ended it before I even took my first breath."
"Lio! Don't say that."
"What have I done but make a mess of everything? Even now, I am so fucking scared of losing you. I make you afraid. How are we to grow when I can't even make you trust me?" She couldn't answer then.
"You're right. I cannot love you in the capacity you need... not like this. I suppose I've been looking for your love to heal me but... I can't use you like that. I care about you too much to even think of being so selfish." Lifting his hands upward, he wiped the tears that had slipped down his cheeks.
"Lio," He took a shaky breath before looking up. She sat on the couch, arms outstretched.
"Come here," A boyish blush spread across his cheeks and he pouted as a child would. He sat there for a minute more before gathering up his pride. Slowly, he rose to his feet and came around the coffee table.
"Take a seat." Slowly, he did. Lifting those tiny hands to his face, she breezed her thumbs across his moist rosy cheeks.
"I think more than anything, you despise being alone. You want to be loved but you're scared too." His eyes grew watery again and they fell, dripping down across her hands.
"Our parents aren't perfect. They have their flaws just like we do." Bringing his head closer, she pressed a chaste kiss against his forehead.
"I've never felt this way about anybody before. And that scares me more than anything else. But..." His heart jumped up into his throat as she pulled him to her, resting his head against her own beating heart. Soft and warm, she felt like a version of home that he desperately wanted. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to relax against her and snuggle closer against her chest. Her arms wrapped around him and as they laid back, so did her legs, keeping his entire body covered in her comforting touch.
"Am I crazy? I must be crazy because... because I..." Lips now pressed against his forehead, her breath was warm against his flesh.
"I think I love you Aurelio." Her words stabbed into him like needles, knives. Painful and yet a sweetness blossomed in his chest. Reciprocation.
"It's gonna hurt. You're gonna get mad. I'm gonna get mad. But I want us to try to heal together." Feeling sleepy now, it was so curious how this tiny little thing of a woman could cause him to feel so relaxed and safe. With a soft sigh, he let his eyes flutter closed. Promise me that you won't give up on me. He couldn't handle it, couldn't handle her leaving him.
I promise.
Do you promise you won't give up on me?
I promise.

A/N: *happy sigh* You know, these two are real (to me) in a very unique way. I am not sure but they just feel ... Real. Present. Maybe it's because it's modern day 🤣 Their honesty and conversation is so refreshing.

One of my lovely readers asked how Jasp got her name. Turns out that her mom (and her grandma) had something to do with it hehe. Unique just like our girl.

I wanted to explore aspects of Lio and Jasper's lives that hadn't been discussed. Lio is very open and honest about his ex-wife and their former marriage. Jasper is open about still having residue from her first relationship. Understandably so, ya know? Your firsts in life set the tone in a way.

This is one of my favorite chapters because it delves into deep thought, vulnerability and their budding romance. hehe.

Let's move on to our next chapter hehe.

-AL