Beyond the Borders

ch.13 - outsider's dilemma

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Wave's POV:

As I stared at the blank page in front of me, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. We were tasked with writing a poem about our current struggles and how we can break free from them. While my classmates scribbled away, I couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling.

You see, fitting in has always been a struggle for me. I've always felt like an outcast, never quite fitting in with any group. It's like I'm always on the outside looking in, never fully accepted or understood. And it's not just at school, but even at home with my own family. My parents mean well, but they never fully understand me. They always thought I was struggling with bipolar depression, sending me to therapy classes that never really helped. I was just labeled as the 'problem child', the one who needed fixing.

But the truth is, no one can fix me. I'm not broken, I just don't fit into their idea of what is considered 'normal'. And that's something I've come to accept. Yet, it still weighs on me, the constant feeling of not being good enough, of not belonging. It's a battle I fight every day, trying to find my place in this world.

So when the school told us that they wanted us to know we were heard, I couldn't help but scoff. As if they truly cared about our struggles. They say these things to make themselves feel better, like they're doing their part in helping us. But in reality, they're just going through the motions, not truly listening or understanding.

Fitting in has always been a struggle for me. Since I was a child, I have always felt misunderstood and constantly hated on. I remember entering preschool and being met with abuse from the teachers. It wasn't physical, but the way they would speak to me, the way they would treat me, it was all a form of mental, emotional, and verbal abuse. It never reached the point where I needed to be hospitalized, but it still hurt me deeply.

My parents were aware of what was going on, but they felt helpless. They knew that the teachers should have known better, but they couldn't do much to stop it. That's when they made the decision to homeschool me. And ever since then, I have been homeschooled on and off, moving from place to place.

It's not easy being homeschooled. While I do appreciate the fact that I am not subjected to the abuse of teachers, it also means that I miss out on having friends and a sense of belonging. I have always been different from my peers, and that has caused me to be constantly judged and ostracized. Sometimes, I wonder if it's because of how I was raised. Maybe if I had gone to a traditional school, I would have learned how to fit in and be accepted.

My parents have always tried their best to help me control myself and fit in with other children. They have given me countless tips and strategies, and I have tried my best to follow them. But no matter how hard I try, I always end up feeling like I don't belong. It's a constant battle between wanting to fit in and be like everyone else, and just being true to myself.

Being homeschooled has also made me more introverted and reserved. I have always found comfort in solitude and quietness. It helps me gather my thoughts and recharge. But I have noticed that my quiet nature has caused some of my classmates to judge me. They assume that I am stuck up or uninterested, when in reality, I am just trying to find my place in a new environment.

Despite all of this, I have learned to embrace my uniqueness and use it to my advantage. I have found a sense of peace and calm within myself, and I am grateful for that. But it still hurts to know that others see me as a burden and a problem. I try not to let it get to me, but deep down, I can't help but feel guilty and ashamed that my parents had to raise me and deal with all the judgments and complaints.

And so, I continue to write, hoping to find a better way of seeking a better outcome to my situation.