Fat Girl Problems

Fat Girl Problem 28: Dieting

Almost there.

I exhaled heavily as I saw my house at the end of the street. Finally I would be done with this hell. Hell being an early morning jog.

After the whole Brad incident, I decided to put matters into my own hands. Just because I was fat, that didn't meant I had to suffer for the rest of my life. By losing all my fat, I would be able to live a relaxing life of being treated like a human. That sounded blissful for me, so I decided to start exercising.

I'd been exercising for almost a month now. Cece and Thea had been supportive of me. They said that as long as I did it in a healthy way, it was fine. That encouraged me because it was nice to have your friends by you when you were doing something that was kind of tough. Trust me, losing weight wasn't a stroll in a park. It required a lot of work and self sacrifice.

I finally reached my house and exhaled heavily. At this point my breathing was horrible and heavy. It would have been worst months ago, but I slightly improved at running because of gym class. Also I would have to thank Connor for making me want to push myself by always running at my side.

Speaking of Connor, I hadn't really been speaking to him either. This time it was completely my fault. I just felt like avoiding him and I didn't even know why. Like we talked about homework and other insignificant things, but never about anything important these days. A part of me regretted that, but I needed to be distant from people right now. My priority was to get skinny.

I opened the door and stepped into the house. In just an hour I had school. Yeah. Groaning, I went upstairs to shower.

My eyes glanced up to see Connor walking into the English classroom. Pulling my eyes down to look at my book, I pretended not to notice he was here. That seemed to work usually, but not today.

"Quinn, I saw you running outside," he said sitting down.

"Yeah..." I replied awkwardly.

"Why?" he asked, raising an eyebrow curiously.

"The weather was nice today."

I silently prayed as he stared at me confused for a second. Honestly I didn't want to tell him I was dieting. For some reason I felt embarrassed by the fact that I was, even though it wasn't something you should be embarrassed about. I was strange like that.

"It's cold though," he eventually said.

I shrugged. "Still, it's fine for me."

He stared at me unconvinced for a few seconds, so I awkwardly went back to reading my book. After a few more seconds I glanced at him and became relieved to see that he was texting on his phone. Sighing quietly, I just continued to read.

It was true that today was cold, so I knew he probably didn't believe me. I didn't care though. As long as he didn't know the exact truth, it was fine that he thought I was a liar.

"How's dieting going?" Thea asked excitedly.

Thea was really happy that I was dieting. She told me that I was so strong for doing this and that really made me happy. I'd never dieted before, so this was a big deal to me. To have you best friends supporting you meant a lot.

"It's okay," I said awkwardly.

"Why only okay?" Thea asked frowning.

I sighed. "I hadn't lost a single pound yet."

That was the sad truth of all my dieting. Even though I ran everyday and slightly restricted the amount of food I ate, I hadn't lost a single pound. It was ruining my motivation, so I tried not to think about it. Moments like this reminded me of my failure so far though.

"It's only been a month. You'll lose weight soon," Cece insisted, stretching her legs out on the grass beneath her.

"Hopefully," I muttered. "I want to get skinny fast."

"Is that why you want to get skinny?" Cece asked shocked.

I quickly shook my head, even thought that was why I was trying to lose weight. Cece didn't look pleased.

"Quinn, Brad is an asshole who doesn't deserve you. Don't get skinny just for him," she said.

My jaw dropped. "I'm not losing weight for him! It's for myself!"

Cece rose an eyebrow. "Why all of the sudden then?"

"Because," I huffed.

Thea and Cece stared at me with neutral expressions. Since I hated being stared at, I suddenly got up and decided to walk off. Cece tried calling me back, but I ignored her. They didn't understand.

I walked down the field tiredly. The truth was no one understood. You could try to understand, but it was never the same as actually living the life of another person. In my case, living the life of a fat girl. Being fat came with a lot of baggage people never knew about. It involved dirty stares, never being good enough, always having to be ashamed of who you are. People didn't seem to grasp how much problems our lives consisted of.

I thought my friends could understand that, but they didn't. They thought I was dieting for the sake of achieving skinniness, which was obviously was stupid and part of the truth. The reason why I wanted to be skinny was to not have to deal with the baggage a fat person must carry around. It was always so unfair that any fat person had to. It wasn't like we asked to be larger, it was a curse from god who decided to make us have slower metabolisms. I hated that.

Sighing, I sat down on the field and thought about my lack of weight loss. Achieving skinniness was my biggest priority right now, even bigger than getting good grades to make sure my acceptance to my choice university was assured. Since it was going slowly, I began to make plans of taking drastic measures.