"Hindi ko naman yata ikamamatay kung hindi ko mahawakan ang iyong kamay"
I can't really sing this song. It's beautiful and meaningful, but these specific lyrics made me stop listening to it. I don't want to reach that point. I don't want to entertain the thought that I can live without holding your hand. I don't want my old self to feel disappointed at the idea that I can finally stand without seeking for your help, without your hand. I've gotten used to you being there. I've gotten used to not bringing water because I know you brought your aquaflask. I've gotten used to spending my baon on manggang hilaw and siomai because I know you'll lend me money and treat me to a ride on the jeepney. I've gotten used to whenever I don't have footstocks, you'd offer to lend me yours. I've gotten used to whenever I sweat, your bench handkerchief is there to wipe me dry. I've also gotten used to you always moving me to the side when we walk, so I won't get hit by the passing cars. You've let me hold your lunchbox during lunch or even when it's not lunch, for your packed meal. I don't even think about not having lunch whenever my mom doesn't cook because I know you have packed one. I'm used to your bench, vanilla, and your scent. I'm used to having your chest in front of me like a protective wall where I can lean my forehead. And I swear, no matter how cringe-worthy I sound right now, I can definitely say that I wouldn't survive if I don't hold your hand.
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