Would you still be proud if all I managed to accomplish today was taking a bath?
The act of bathing and washing up feels like a chore, yet strangely comforting. It's become a coping mechanism since I stopped hurting myself. Imagine this: setting an alarm on my phone as a reminder to bathe, then easily ignoring it as it starts to ring. Saying "wait five minutes pa" before heading to wash up, and actually sticking to it as the time passes, wasn't that hard for me. Picture the messy hair and oily skin as I go to sleep, completely forgetting that I hadn't washed myself or even just my face.
It became a coping mechanism. I didn't stop putting on makeup, going to the mall after class, or studying. I just lost the motivation to go to the bathroom because all I could hear was the water dripping on the floor and my mind racing.
My mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts that can overwhelm you to the point where it's difficult to breathe or your vision starts to blur. Thoughts that will make you feel like an ID lace is choking you to death if you start to fully listen to them.
I felt comfortable enough to bring up this topic. Maybe I know that you will still be proud. Thanks for that.
Happiness //
