chapter 15

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TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence


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My only dream is to become happy. I consider that a dream because for someone like me who's life isn't a fairytale, being happy is something I wish was an everyday thing.


It's a dream because it's hard to reach. Simula nang lumabo ang relasyon ko kay Everest, hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ba ako sasaya.


Wala na akong pamilya. Wala rin naman ako gaanong kaibigan na ka-edad ko at sobrang close ko na lahat ng aking problema ay masasabi ko sa kanya. Isa lang ang taong nand'yan sa akin. Si Everest, ang aking asawa.


Pero dahil maging siya ay sumuko na sa akin, wala na akong pinanghahawakan pang iba bukod sa aking sarili. I pity myself for ending up like this. I couldn't even find happiness on my own. I've always been dependent on others. First, my parents. And when they died, my pillar of support became Everest. But even he has gone astray from me.


Nakakaawa ako. Alam ko 'yun. Sinubukan ko namang buhatin ang aking sarili at hanapin ang saya sa akin. Pero dahil hindi ako makaalis sa relasyon ko, sa kasal ko sa aking asawa, hindi ko magawang hanapin ang aking sarili dahil araw-araw, pinapaalala ni Everest ang mga pagkukulang ko.


Every day, my life becomes a living hell.


And I thought that was it. I thought I'll be like this forever.


But then Karma came. My husband's uncle.


He took care of me the way my husband didn't. He gave me everything that I asked, often exceeding my needs. He saved me from when I was sinking deeper into this pitiful life of mine. He pulled me to the surface and introduced me to a life where I don't need to tiptoe around what he needs in order for me to appease him.


He made me feel and validated those feelings. He gave value to everything I did. He gave me value.


And just as I was seeing my life getting better, he left just like that.


He'll come after me, he said. But after I've seen him almost dead, I can't help but worry.


He lied to me just to hide everything. Now I don't know what to believe. ]

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