Metamorphosis Of An Introvert

Remembrance

   It's kinda frustrating how I kept thinking about zayn for almost a week after that day. I just can't help but miss him. He's the first person who didn't called me weird despite of everything I did.

   In all honesty, the fact that I could go out and enjoy with them and miss him like this, all of it is new to me. I wish instead of zoning out I'd live every moment I had. I've never went on a outing before so I didn't know it'd be this good.

   I mean how could a person who has her head stuck in screens all the time would know the feeling of excitement when someone holds their hand or pulls you in their arms without asking.

   A few things happened in the latter month, like my final exams, meeting new people and getting in touch with my cousin but life was back to normal as I got some time for myself alone.

   I don't really love myself. Heck, I almost hate myself. But. Whenever I'm alone, I don't really think that. Nothing can make you feel as good about yourself as isolation.

   It's better to take some time alone to know yourself than being in a crowd where noone even wants to knows you.

   For quite some time now, I've been just sitting in front of my desk, eating snacks and contemplating what I should do about myself. Because the way I'm doing things now is not gonna get me anywhere.

   My uncle called and invited our entire family for my cousin's birthday, he's throwing a party supposedly. If I'm to go there, which I'll probably have to, I am gonna be roasted on a high level as i'm a useless, anti-social sixteen year old. If they'd make this invitation a year ago, I would have gladly attended it but not now. Definitely not.

   My cousin, her name is sisana. I'm bad with names, anyone can notice that. I call her sisa. She's younger than me. She reminds me of my younger version.  Her family is toxic on a serious measure but she still wants to stay with them so I can't really help her with that.

   I want to be a helpful older sister to her but that seems quite demanding for someone as pathetic as me. Both her parents are not home all day, she does the housework and takes care of her little brother. To add on the trouble, her dad is an alcoholic and her mom has IED, on top of that sisana is really sensitive.

   I want to help her but I am not a really dependent person, I highly doubt anyone can rely on me.
 
   As my body was drifting forward instinctively to my way home with my mind currently engaged in a wrestling match, my eyes chose to rest on a certain someone. I've never seen him before. He has light eyes with a grey shade.

    Suddenly, his eyes snapped at me. Although they were light, there's this void in them which makes me wonder if he's from this world. In that split second, I felt like I was under a spell. A dangerous one. He turned away with no reaction but my hands were shaking. Maybe a side-effect of the spell?

   When I was climbing through the stairs, I saw my door was open and there were two people talking. As I moved forward, I recognised one of them as my brother and the other one . . . . . .