Come Back to Gusu

57. What are you?

He woke in the JingShi, feeling better than he had in almost a year. "How long was I asleep?" He yawned the last of his sleepiness away and stretched.

"Wen Ning was revived thirteen days ago," Lan WangJi answered from where he sat mindlessly plucking his guqin's strings. He paused to send a glowing bunny messenger off before resuming. "You have had two one-sided dual cultivation sessions to repair your Core. Are you fully awake now? You've been alert a few times, enough to eat and wash yourself, but you don't seem to have remembered any of it the next time you woke."

Wei WuXian sat up, enjoying the way his healing Core thrummed through him once again. "No. I don't remember that. Did I talk about my notes?"

"No." Lan WangJi's eyes were focused only on his qin. "What about your notes?"

Wei WuXian wobbled to his feet. "I need to destroy them. The array was destroyed, right? And everyone's mind erased?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because this is the darkest magic I've ever performed." Wei WuXian shuddered. "Can you imagine how someone unscrupulous would use this? A man like Wen RuoHan would live forever even without cultivating to immortality. Or the Son of Heaven? He would have no need to choose a successor anymore. There would be no more fighting between his sons or concubines. All he'd have to do is prepare a body. Pick one that was pleasing to him, hone it to his desires, and then when his current body was ill or aged, he could just switch his soul into the prepared body. It would wipe out that other soul completely. I think it would send that body's former soul out of the reincarnation cycle entirely. I'm not sure, though, and I have no desire to discover if my theory is correct or not." He shuddered again, and made his way over to his work table. Gathering up his notes, he added, "Better to just burn everything, so no one can try to repeat it. I'll have to bother you to erase my memories, too, if you don't mind." After he skimmed each page, he carefully placed it into the brazier, watching it burn down to ashes.

"I do mind," Lan WangJi growled, finally looking up from his qin to glare at his husband. "I mind that you attempted this without telling me. I mind that you nearly killed yourself and refused to tell me! If that YunmengJiang disciple hadn't ignored Wen Daifu's directives and sent a message to Jiang WanYin and I?" He stood in a smooth motion, belied by the furious expression on his face. "You nearly died! You were already in the early stages of qi deviation when we arrived! If it had gone on much longer? You would have, at the least, lost your Core. As it was? Jiang WanYin had to dual cultivate with you in front of almost thirty disciples!"

"I was prepared to lose my Core," Wei WuXian started to defend himself.

"You were prepared?" Lan WangJi's glare became glacial. "What about me? What about our son? What about your siblings? Don't we deserve to be prepared, too?"

"I couldn't let you stop me."

"Stop you?" Lan WangJi abruptly slumped in on himself, golden eyes closing against the sheen of tears. "I am your husband. It is my honor and my duty to keep you safe. Even from yourself. I would have insisted you add protections to your array to keep your Core safe. Or had you seal it before you began. I would have done whatever I could to...." Lan WangJi wrapped his arms around his lover and squeezed tightly. "You are my life, Wei Ying. I don't ever want to live apart from you. I don't ever want to live without you." He snuggled into Wei WuXian's shoulder, sniffing wetly. "Yet you keep walking away from me and putting your life in danger." He lifted his head to stare into his husband's eyes. "Am I the one you love or am I simply someone you like to fuck?"

Wei WuXian froze at the accusation. Of course I love you struggled to come out of his mouth. I love you more than anything. More than my own life. I love you so much, I never want you to hurt. The incongruity of his actions compared to his need to keep his lover free from pain was almost laughable. "I try to keep you safe from harm and by doing so, I hurt you the most?" he whispered. I guess I forget that you love me just as much as I love you. That in your eyes, I am worth something, my life means something. You see me as something indispensable instead of expendable. "I'm sorry," he begged. "I'm so sorry. I was... inexcusable. I love you, Lan Zhan. I love you so much, I can't bear to see you hurt."