𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒏𝒂

~𝑨𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆~

I haven't been crying as much. Aoi was almost talking as much as she used to. Kanao was still pretty quiet, but she was still mumbling a few words out. Shinobu was a lot quieter than she used to be. She still talked just not much.

Everything seemed like it was going back to normal. That is, until the funeral date. The funeral was in four days. Everyone was trying to ignore it, push it as far in the back of their mind as they could. Not long after their death, I told my aunt to organize it because I couldn't handle it.

Now I realize I can't even handle knowing I still have to go. I want to go, but I know that I'm not going to be able to hold it all together. I'm going to spill, and I know my sisters will, too. I bet there are going to be people there we're not even going to know. They're going to say they're close to the family but can't even tell me our names or even our parents.

I didn't want to mention it, but I have to. I have to mention it. We're all sitting at the table. Aoi, Kanao, Shinobu, and me. "Um," I didn't know really how to bring it up, so I kind of winged it. "The funeral is coming up. It's November 10th." I say.

Everyone looked at a loss for words. I had never seen them at a loss for words other than when I had to break the news to them. Somehow, Shinbou found the words she was looking for even if they were small and quiet. "The funeral....as in four days."

I give her a nod in response. I can see right through her. I can see all the pain she's been bottling inside her that was now resurfacing. The painful expression on her face just makes me feel a load of guilt even though it's not my fault.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Shinobu asked harshly.

"If you want my honest answer, it's because I was trying to avoid the subject, and push it in the furthest of my mind."

Aoi and Kanao looked sad. All their pain and troubles they were trying so hard to get past. Shinobu rolled her eyes. She stood up and stormed off to her room. She pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind her, making the whole house shake.

"At least we know she isn't completely emotionless." I tried to lighten the mood, but I don't think Aoi approved my joke as she shook her head and slapped her forehead. Kanao tilted her head to the side and gave me a look that said, "Go talk to her." I perked my head forward. "I'll talk to her," I say with a groan before standing up and heading upstairs.

I knocked and entered her room. She was sprawled out on her bed with her eyes closed. She turned her head, opened one eye, and looked at me. She reclosed her eyes and turned her head back to the way it was. I know she's still not going to admit she was wrong.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I apologize.

"Can we at least not go to the viewing?" Shinobu asks while opening her eyes and turning her head towards me.

"What?" I ask. Viewing? What does she mean?

"The funeral." She pauses. "I just don't think I can bear to see them like that responds quietly.

My face goes to realization. I walk over and sit down next to her. "I get it. I don't I could either. I don't want that image imprinted in my head or your head." A gave her a soft smile.

She softly smiles back, "Thank you."

I nod in response.

On Monday, I asked Sanemi to come. At first, it seemed like he was going to say no. I know he gets a little uncomfortable in situations like that. Or, for that matter, anything that is a bunch of people crying. I mean, he even seemed a little uncomfortable when I cried in his arms. I begged him to come so I wouldn't be alone. I kind of bribed him, though. I told him if he went, I would grant him one wish.

Although I don't know what that wish is, I don't think it'll be bad. At least I don't think I'll be something I regret. He finally said yes and that he wouldn't forget what I had promised him. I gave him a big hug after. I told him he didn't have to dress up fancy or anything since none of us were going to, and I knew that our aunts and uncles wouldn't dress up for one hundred dollars.

I convinced Shinobu to ask Giyu to go with her. She was very stubborn about it, but after what felt like literal hours of begging, she finally said yes. I felt a little bad for Giyu. I could feel how much he liked her, and I know that he's a good person. I know he wouldn't try anything, plus I trust her with my life. I made sure she told him he didn't have to dress up either.

Somehow, I found the guts to ask him for his number, but I made an excuse for it. I said something like, "So I can text you the details," like an idiot. I'm excited, though, because it gives me another excuse to hang out with him. I just wish I was in different circumstances. At least I'll have someone to cling on to. Someone to comfort me.

I know I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry like I never have before, looking weak in front of him. I hate it, but for some reason, I can't help it. I just feel comfortable around him, and u let my walls come down. I just let him all the way in, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I like him, but I've liked someone before, and I've never let my walls down like that. I'm just happy he'll be there to console me. I'm glad he's always there for me.

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W/C|1065

I feel like this was kind of rushed, but tell me what you guys think. Anyway, have a good night/day, byeeeee!<3

𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒏𝒂