The lights are blinding me, it's so bright that I can't see the crowd. I decide this is a blessing, I can dance for myself and pretend no one is watching. I let the music consume me, for three minutes there is only me in the room. I don't care that I'm running dangerously low on money, I don't care that strangers are looking at my body and I don't care that my parents would strongly disapprove.
The song ends and I'm brought back to earth, I'm suddenly aware that my bare breasts are on view to a room of strangers. Derek gestures for me to collect my money and the leave the stage. I scurry across the stage and collect the notes, I cover my chest with shame as I head to the back room.
I feel dirty but Farrah was right I do feel empowered, I guess I have around a hundred dollars. I quickly put on my bra and stash the notes in my bag. I slip on the short red dress that's waiting for me.
Derek approaches, I start to feel sick. I thought the dance had gone well but what if it was actually a disaster.
"You did good, there's a regular who's wanting you to join him in the VIP section. He knows your new so no private dances"
"So what would I do" I have no idea what's expected of me and its worrying.
"Party with him, pour his drinks, drink with him. Listen to his lame stories, act like your doting on his every fucking word"
I nod, I can do that.
"Your cut" Derek puts $200 in my open bag.
"Just for talking" I ask.
"Yeah and that's not including tip"
I follow Derek to the VIP section where a young Latino man is sat crossed legged wearing a pinstripe suit. He looks like the typical business man blowing off steam after a long day in the office. He smiles brightly as I stop at his feet.
"You were great up there, you owned that stage"
"Heather this is Mr Gomez, one of our most loyal customers" Derek introduces me using my stage name and it feels so foreign.
"Mr Gomez" I offer him my hand, he smiles before shaking it.
"Vodka" he doesn't wait for mu answer, instead he pours us both a drink. Derek nods his head and leaves us. I'm not sure I can do this, I'm so unprepared. He watches me as I drain my glass, I try to act casual like I'm not faking the whole interaction.
"So heather do you go to school"
"I'm studying ballet" it's a lie but it's the first thing that came to mind.
"That explains why your so flexible, I'm the CEO of a major IT company" he tells me, I'm not sure if I believe him but it doesn't matter anyway. Were both playing our parts in this game, if it's the girlfriend experience he wants then that's what he will get.
"Oh wow, I love a powerful man. You must be great at what you do" I lean in to him like I'm impressed, I've watched the singles at the country club do this many times. I try to model my behaviour on my dad's secretary June, she's desperate to bag herself a rich husband. I've watched her twirl her hair around her finger, bat her eyelashes and swoon at every word that comes out of her dates mouths.
"Not to brag but I do hold the record for the youngest CEO in new York"
Lie, I know for a fact that's a lie as the title is held by my cousin Stephen or at least it was until he mysteriously stepped down last month.
"Wow you must not have any women staff"
"And why's that" he asks, I had hoped he would.
"I know if I was working under someone as hot as you I wouldn't get any work done. I would be way too distracted" inside I'm gagging but he takes me for my word, he doesn't see through my acting.
He undoes his collar and removes his tie, my words have the desired affect. It really is easy to have power over men, it's quite pathetic really. He's paying hundreds of dollars just to have his ego stroked by a woman.
He tells me all about his job, his penthouse apartment and his fleet of expensive cars. I come from money so I know only new money feels the need to brag about their belongings, I can't talk for other girls but I don't find his bragging an attractive quality.
I start serving myself pure orange juice as he continues to mix his with vodka, I don't drink much so I know I can't keep up with him. He places the tip of his finger on my thigh and I still, he shouldn't be touching me. I don't know what to do, I'm frozen still. The security on the door notice the interaction and quickly move his skin from mine, he gestures for me to leave. Our two hours aren't up but I don't care, I feel dirty.
I quickly pace back to the dressing room and collapse on my seat, Derek enters moments later with a wad of cash. He places $300 on my dressing table, the sight of it has me in floods of tears
"For the bottle service and he gave you a tip" Derek doesn't acknowledge my tears he simply turns and leaves.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, a blonde dancer previously introduced to me as Chelsea speaks softly, "it gets easier, I promise it does"
I look up at her and sigh "that's what I'm worried about.
