Forevermore

A desk

Todays the day.

Today is the first day of school. Well, technically it's a regular day for everyone else but for me, my whole world could have a chance of getting ruined today. It feels harder to get out of bed than usual, and I can feel my heart in my throat when I get out of the shower. The closer I get to being ready, the more I feel excited and more nervous than ever.
After procrastinating in my room for another 10 minutes , I check myself out in the mirror one last time. There's no tags on any of my clothes, at least. I begin my way downstairs, where it seems all chaos has broke out, my mom speeding around the kitchen putting everything in order, Vada is going from living room to kitchen to table looking for her headphones, and my brothers are making a disaster of a breakfast while my mom panics about that as well. Is this how all the mornings go?

Everything seems to be moving way too fast around me. I barely touch any food that was put on the counters because honestly, I might throw up before I'm even in my first class. I keep telling myself it'll be okay, but I'm not actually sure.
Now we've finally gotten in the car, and my mom is cursing out our neighbors who are also leaving for work in the morning. Vada couldn't really be bothered right now, she knows that this won't matter in a week, while I'm picturing everything bad that could happen. My mom waves to my brothers, who went in their own car.

On the drive way there, I realize it's not too far of a walk at all. My mom asks all kind of questions, and luckily Vada answers for us. I need to keep my fake confidence up, and second guessing what I'm supposed to say is definitely not going to help. Pulling into the parking lot makes me remember that it's actually happening. This isn't some fever dream, I'm about to be stared at and questioned for the next 8 hours. After a very long goodbye, me and Vada get out. She walks next to me as if she owns the place, so I try to fake my confidence along with her.

While we're walking into the door, I recognize Mandy from the other day, with a bunch of girls. In any other circumstance I'd go say hi and ask for my poor social skills support, but all those girls look mean.

The type you'd fear in middle school because they could have their dad ruin your life with the snap of his finger.

"So cheerleading tryouts is after school, I told Rene to pick us up after 4. Let's go pick up our schedules real quick and then I'll see you at lunch?" she leads me into the office, where we get our papers to guide us through the day.
"How did you know where the office was?" I question, but she giggles.
"You really think I didn't take a whole google maps tour of this school? Come on, our classes out this way. Also we could meet in the bathroom in between classes, it's in the middle of our rooms I think.." yet again, this girl amazes me.
Following her throughout the over crowded hallways, to the near back of the hallway. Sure enough, there's a bathroom near my class, where I'll be visiting frequently. When I walk in, my mind goes blank as to what I should do. Usually first days of school I go straight to the back of the class, but it's only my first day, not others.

I awkwardly stand by the teachers desk for a minute or two, until I see an older looking lady come in. She has dark hair with Grey streaks that compliment her face, and she wears heels that make that clink clink sound along the floor. She smiles softly at me, before seating herself and opening her drawer.
"Roxie..Perez? You can sit in the back, there's a couple of open seats so choose whatever you want, okay? We're gonna get started on our classroom app, then you can catch up." She hands me a Chromebook, and points to my seat options.
I hope my luck lasts all day, because I sure wouldn't mind sitting in the back all day long.
I set my backpack down, sitting down and bouncing my leg as I watch kids my age walk in with friends, talking and laughing. I nervously take a breath in, and notice how clammy my hands are.

The bell rings, and still kids are walking in. I've managed to calm my heart down a little, and the teacher has began telling us our assignments for the day. Luckily this class goes fast, I focus hard on getting a head start on the only assignments I have for this month. Nobody bothers me or asks stupid questions, and I can finally feel like I can breath again by the end of this class. I'm even saying thank you to the teacher when I'm standing at the door, almost excited to get to my next class. Finally the bell rings, and you better believe I was the first person out of there. I take out the folded schedule and follow the room numbers like a map to secret treasure. My second class Is close to the middle of the school, a couple of kids are already in there reading, and pay no mind to me.
I sit again in the back of the class, hoping for the same luck. I entertain myself by texting vada, and putting my headphones in until class starts.