Forevermore

Oh Mystery Man

Evan

As soon as I say a weak goodbye to Rene, I close their front door and can't hold it in anymore. I get in my car, regretting leaving her like that even more every minute. Did she really mean it when she said she doesn't know me anymore? That I don't know her? I can't think about it. My eyes burn from the tears, and all I can think about is how I left her like that. I shouldn't have been controlling, she's had enough of that in her life. Every single stop, every single red light makes me wish I would turn around and go see my girl. Id tell her it's going to be okay, that I'm not leaving. But then I remember telling her I'd stay out of her life. I don't wanna lie again and break another promise, then she'd really hate me.

I think back to all the times that I would stay up late with her, always comforting her while she was upset. If she only knew how much I'm in love with her, maybe she wouldn't try to push me away. But then i remember, all I really have done for her is make things harder. She doesn't deserve harder anymore. Entering my room feels so weird, all I wish for is her to be in my arms, holding her close. I feel so lost without her next to me, it's hard to even fall asleep in my bed now. I can't stop thinking about what she could be doing now, but I don't want to think about how much I hurt her.

in the morning, it feels harder to get up than usual. My heart feels sore, empty. I wish I woke up next to her today. I quickly get up and get dressed for school, feeling like I'm drained. The whole car ride there I don't listen to music, I feel too weird to be happy knowing she's probably upset with me. No, because of me.

The day goes by fast, until I see her at lunch. She's wearing the same jacket as yesterday, and I'm pretty sure the same leggings too. She looks so effortlessly beautiful, even when she doesn't try. She still sits next to me at the table, which is hopefully a good sign. I feel so nervous around her, that I almost don't notice that she didn't eat yet again. How long has she been doing this? Did she even do anything after I left? I stay silent, overthinking our whole fight yesterday. Over analyzing every single detail, from the way she barely said a word today to noticing that she's more nervous looking than usual. She sits in silence, bouncing her leg and picking at her cuticles. Oh god. How much did I hurt her?
She says nothing once more as the bell rings, making me feel more anxious about everything. I walk next to her to class, but it seems she wants to get away from me. I try to pass her notes in class, but most the time I have to literally shove them into her hand before she even notices me, and doesn't say anything back. All she does is stare at the wall, not even what Sydnee says affects her at all. It feels like there's a huge wall between us now, and I don't know what to do. It was never this bad before. She gets up quickly, getting her stuff to wait at the door.
"Are you okay?" Stupid dumbass, of course she isn't. She barely acknowledges me, flashing me a quick look before looking around the classroom again. But honestly, that was all I needed to know something is actually wrong. Her eyes are something I dream about seeing, of course I'd know if something was up. I follow her out, grabbing at her shoulder to talk to her. She flinches.
Did she really think I would hurt her? Or is something else going on?
"Im sorry about yesterday Rox, I'm sorry I left like that.." she barely responds, just nodding.
I grab her hand, which seems like it's below arctic temperature, pulling her in to hugging me. As soon as I have her, it seems like she calms down a little, at least taking a deep breath trying to. Before I can full say anything else, she pulls away, walking faster to her next class. I really messed it up with her this time.

Roxie

The class I'm in finally ends, but honestly I don't remember half the day. I'm so tired, that it feels like I could fall asleep while walking. The sun is too bright for me, so I hurry up and get to cheer before I end up getting made fun of some more. I listen to Sydnee and her friends talk about my body like I'm a whale, talking about my scars. I wait for everyone to show up, and finally we begin doing practice. Can anyone tell I'm high? I feel like everyone in the team is looking at me, judging me. Waiting for me to mess up so they can all have another reason to hate me. All I can concentrate on is the way my mouth feels so dry, and Evan. He definitely hates me, if he didn't regret kissing me before, he does now. He probably regrets talking to me in general. My stomach hurts by the end of practice, and Vada went off with her friends from school. I sluggishly change back into normal clothes, forcing myself to walk back to the car.