Teenage fame- marvel cast

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TW:sh

Novas pov

The next day was hard for me i didnt have the energy to do anything, Scarlett tried to get me up in the morning but i refused and stayed staring at the wall, she brought food in and left it on the bedside table but i didnt move an inch, it felt stupid to feel upset about this when i was planning on getting rid of little bean anyways but the nightmares wont stop and i dont know why but i just want my mom even though she tried to kill me i just want her to come here and hug me telling me everything will be okay

"Nova baby you need to get up why dont we go for a walk" Scarlett stroked the hair out of my face as she came back into the room and i just didnt want to move, what was the point in doing anything anymore

"No" i mumble staring at the wall not wanting to look at her because i know i will break down and i dont deserve to cry over this i am a terrible person

"Come on Novs you need to at least eat something" Scarlett tried again and i just wanted to be left alone but i knew she wouldnt do that and i don't know why but something inside me snapped and all of a sudden i was screaming at her

"NO JUST FUCK OFF" i yelled in her face sitting up facing her and i saw the shock on her face before standing up and telling me "Ill be here when your ready Nova i wont leave you no matter how hard you try to push me away" then she left the room and shut the door

I sat on my bed shaking as i was having a panic attack and this one was a bad one i could feel it and i was trying to calm down but i couldn't, i rushed to the bathroom as i felt the bile coming up in my throat and i was sick in the toilet but it hurt as it was stomach acid because i havent eaten today, i dont think i deserve to eat anymore

I absentmindedly rubbed my arms scratching them trying to feel something to take my mind away from panicking and my fingers fell across the scar that my mum had given me from many months ago and my eye caught the pack of razors on the bathroom counter and i thought to myself one time wouldnt hurt right?

I got the blade out of the razor and i felt the stinging sensation on my arm as i made a few cuts and i felt myself getting less and less panicked the more times i did it, i quickly grabbed a few tissues and wiped the blood that was running down my arms and flushed them in the toilet so Scarlett or Florence wouldn't see them because they would be so disgusted in me

I quickly put the razor in a bunch of tissues where i stuffed it in my suitcase so no one would find it and i got Scarletts fluffy hoodie that she gave me and was about to put it on before switching it out to one of my hoodies as i didnt want to get the blood on it, i was doing so well it had been 3 years since my last relapse and i had to be stupid and fuck it up luckily my scars werent that deep from years ago and they healed so no one knew about it except Alexa who helped me alot more than she realised but during that time instead of cutting i got dependent on the alcohol which i figured was better than the cutting but i dont drink often anymore

Right now i really needed a cigarette and luckily i still have the ones from Alexa because i dont know how else i would have gotten one, i know i cant go outside and do it because they will follow me and it will be pointless so i settled for the next best thing and sat on the windowsill opening the window all the way keeping a listen out for footsteps coming towards my room

I relaxed as i took a long drag before inhaling and blowing it out of the window and i sat there until i finished the cigarette and sprayed perfume around the room so that no one can smell the smoke and i even put some gum in my mouth to hide the smell and I knew Florence knew about me smoking because we shared a cigarette but I think she thought it was a one time thing ,as soon as i shut the window i hear someone knock on my door but i stay silent knowing whoever it is will come in anyways