BEAUTY IN THE BEAST

Back On The Soil

Ch 95: Back on the soil

Kat

I don't remember much apart from the face of the person I fear the most, the night has submerged into the vast ocean of nothingness and there's nothing but ice in my brain, everything has mixed up like the canvas, there's nothing left of the fear in me, just a numb feeling with a dull ache in my heart.

I open my eyes, there are voices coming from somewhere around me, I am nestled into a blanket holding something squishy... a pillow maybe, I don't know why but I feel I have aged a decade in the last few hours.

The room is dark, I look around, I know the place, it's the first time I met myself after I was rearranged by fate.

There it is the picture of my parents with me and Jo, smiling, all of us are smiling, we were happy that day, my twelfth birthday I remember.

I breathe through my nose as my throat closes, there's no detergent smell which lingered with my mother anymore, no musky smell which was my father's unique smell. There is nothing, just an emotionless cold room like my heart.

I look at my left, my father's glasses are still kept on the side table, my mother's watch sitting beside it.

I close my eyes trying to imagine their smells but I come up empty.

A sob wrecks free. Tears start dripping down my cheeks, I miss them, on this gloomy day, I miss my family, I want to pray to someone, pray to something to just give me one moment with them, just one minute to remember their smells so I can bottle them up.

I feel eyes on me, I open my bleary eyes to find my husband standing in a corner as he watches me, I want.. I want his warmth, his care... and I know he wants to give it to me too, but there he is holding back, giving me this moment to myself.

I slowly sit back up all while looking into his eyes, I stand up... tears dripping down my face as I go the closet, my hands tremble as I pull out one of my dad's shirt and inhale deeply.

My guts drops and my mind freezes. My movements become frantic, my eyes watering more, I bring out another shirt, another t-shirt, another everything... but there's nothing. Nothing to remind me of the man I knew as my father. My voice breaks as I scream, my heart battering in my chest. There's not a whisp of anything, just the smell of linen.

Strong hands close around me and shake me from my shoulders, but nothing, nothing gets to me, I feel like something in me has ended... so I scream... scream for the world I feel has ended.

I am pulled into strong arms, who cradle me, the warm smell of woods reaching my nose as I sob for the loss of my family, for the final cord that has cut the last shreds of my connection with them. They're gone, truly gone into the abyss where I don't know what to do.

"T-they aren't here anymore..." I cry, my heart breaking in my chest.

"Shhh.. shhh baby, they are always looking at you." Ace tries to reason out, but I can't... I can't for the life of me understand what I want, what I need right now.

I shake my head as I clutch onto the shirt tighter, his smell, it's gone, taking with him the only evidence of his presence, the only reminder of my joyful times.

"I.. I feel empty." I whisper, Ace's hold tightens around me.

"Then I'll fill you with gold, I'll fill your void with new memories of us, I'll change your ending if you just let me pcholka." He pleads. In the state of nothingness I realise, I have fallen for my husband.

A part so powerful yet so invisible inside me breaks, all the emotions feel tenfold, everything gives way to just one thought, echoing in my brain, "I love you." I whisper with tears falling down my cheeks.

He stills. His whole body feels like a statue and I realise I said the words aloud, before I could say anything else though, he looks back at me, I imagine what I must be looking like, snot out of my nose, my face a teary mess, he looks into my eyes, his eyes liquidated ashen greys, their intensity, they sparkle like stars.

His lips come down on mine in a blink, his hands cupping my face as his tongue tangles with mine. I could taste the saltiness from my tears but it feels neither of us care anymore, locked in this insatiable need to belong, I let go, I give it my all. Give myself completely to my husband as he ravishes me, destroys me, making me completely understand that I'll always belong to this man.

I am sobbing please. Do tell me your views on the chapter.

-love rky xoxo.