Alpha Shield

Worthy - Abby

Her eyes burned. How could crying liquid tears make your eyes feel like they'd taken a bath in sand? It was something she'd wondered about since coming to Sanctuary. Under her father's reign, she hadn't dared to give in to tears. After quotes from Marc's manifesto, one of her father's favorite lines had been, "You want something to cry about? I'll give you something to cry about."

She'd learned from a young age that crying only made things worse, but Selah had told her once that a good cry could be freeing. It had taken her a while to really get that, but with every tear shed, she'd felt like she'd reclaimed more of who she was meant to be.

Tears hurt, but they could heal at the same time. They made her face puffy, and her eyes burn, but after a cry, she felt lighter. Like she'd let out all the anger, fear, and poison roiling in her veins.

These tears, though... they didn't make her feel lighter.

Fellow residents had looked at her in surprise when she'd pushed her way through the evening flow of traffic to the dining hall. She'd been assigned clean-up duty with Catrina tonight, but for the first time since arriving at Sanctuary, she'd wanted to abandon her chore. Abby had a vague sense of guilt for leaving extra work for the other Omegas, but it wasn't unusual for an Omega to skip out on chores for one reason or another. Tomorrow, she'd probably get a firm, but softly spoken, reminder about responsibility, duty, and the need to take care of each other, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Heading for the dining room after leaving Killian, she'd realized she was not mentally in a place to be around her fellow Omegas. Reaching the set of doors closest to the garden, she ducked quickly into the kitchen and saw Catrina already cleaning her own plate since the kitchen help ate early. Not even sure if her words were clear, she vaguely remembered babbling something about not feeling well before leaving without giving Catrina or Chef a chance to respond.

Making her way back through the groups of Omegas headed for dinner, she barely restrained herself from forcing her way through them with all the anguish brewing in her soul. She just had to keep it together long enough to reach it.

The place where she could break down in peace.

A place she'd come to equate with safety.

She'd started to think that safety rested with Killian. Wherever he was, she'd felt safe. Secure. Untouchable. Now she remembered she was on her own. No one would look out for her but her.

She'd take this one last night in her little sanctuary before getting a grip on herself tomorrow and forging on. As Selah had told her multiple times in her darkest moments, she was a survivor. She'd survive this, too.

Even if it felt like her heart had been ripped out and left on the floor.

How had this happened? How had she gone from being determined to never take a mate to falling for a giant of an Alpha who, with his touch, promised her everything she'd ever wanted, but with his words, destroyed her soul?

How?

It didn't seem reasonable that she felt this strongly for him this quickly, but as she finally reached her safe place, she couldn't hold back the heaving cries escaping her chest. Her throat ached with the sounds coming up from her soul. The sickly sweet scent of overripe apples and salt filled the small dark space, and blinded by tears, she reached for the little dome light next to the door that provided dim light in the darkness.

Throwing herself onto the pile of blankets and pillows on the floor, she couldn't help rubbing her face against the soft fabric that still held a bare trace of smokey sugar. It had only been a short week since Killian had introduced Abby to this panic nest inside of the visitation room, but since then, she'd found herself drawn back here several times.