To someone special

CHAPTER 45

Sunayn's POV:

I could see her hesitation while she was telling me everything about her life. She had a very rough past and that made her unwilling to trust any person. I could have done the same if I was in her situation but looking at her I understood how broken she was. She is trying her very best to make everything look perfect but at the end of the day she is suffering.
Now after knowing her story I felt sorry for her loss of parents. Technically she has a family whom she couldn't call hers. She's been broken by them beyond repair now. The exception can be her brother who tried to make her feel at home.
She said she has another secrets as well. And now I didn't understand what can be worse than already she mentioned. I tried to calm myself but my mind kept revolving around various aspects but I need to face her with confidence so she can openly tell me her secrets.
" You can tell me Nainika. I am here for you " I said and lifted her head holding her chin but she was biting her lower lip indicating that she was controlling her sobs.
" I.. I...tried to commit sui... suicide " she stuttered while saying. I was shocked would be an understatement coz I was paralyzed for a moment.
She tried to kill herself. But why?
" What? " I almost shouted at her and she turned her face away and her hand was shivering slightly. I didn't understand why she took such a huge step.
" Do..don't be....angry..pl...please " she said while controlling her tears and I embraced her trying to calm her down.
" Shush. First you should calm down. Please do not cry " I said rubbing her back smoothly and after some time she calmed down.
" So now tell me why did you do that? " I said while lifting her head and looking into her eyes. Her eyes displayed many emotions which included pain, loneliness, vulnerability etc.
" I...I was afraid to...to live with... without dad. I was always in constant pain during that time. I thought my step mom was my mom only. But the way she treated me made me feel useless. I thought unworthy to live. I want to give up this life. On top of that I used to have panic attacks regularly and I would get out of control sometimes " she said looking down in shame.
" What changed your mind from giving up your life? " I asked.
" You " she replied looking at me now.
" I cannot understand Nainika " I said truly not getting her point.
" Yes. I tried to commit suicide not once or twice but thrice. But after I saw you I want to live. For you. For the love I developed for you. But sometimes I used to feel very low of myself. I couldn't face the world and wanted to end this once and for all. But I am not able to do it " she said still being confused of her explanation. I didn't want to force her into saying anything related to it. I want to divert her mind.
" Now that you have me you do not have to feel alone. I am always with you " I said and hugged her tightly to my chest.
" You don't hate me? " She asked in a childish way parting from me and I wanted to whine for moving away.
" Nope. I don't " I said with a smile.
" There is one more thing I want to tell you Sunayn " she said now taking my hand in her both hands.
" How many secrets do you keep Nainika? " I said and chuckled but when I looked at her she was expressionless and was looking rather sad.
" I am sorry. I didn't mean to offend you " I immediately regretted saying it but she was still.
" This is something which you should know Sunayn. Or rather it is the most important thing you should know if you wish a future together with me " she said and I was on alert mode now. Those words gave me goosebumps coz the way she said it without wavering made me nervous.
" Nainika I don't think there will be any problem in future and I assure you I will try my best to make you happy " I said trying to lighten the mood but she was still looking at me seriously.
" I was kidnapped a few years ago by those people " she said and my body shivered. There might be some mistake. I might have heard wrong.
" What did you say? " I asked dumbfound.
" You heard me right Sunayn. I was kidnapped by those gang a few years ago and they kept me captive for more than a week. I don't remember the days too " she said but I can see fear crawling in her eyes while saying and her clutch on my hand increased.
" They tortured me badly wanting to know information about uncle. But I did not say them a word. They tied me to a chair and would hit me like a punch bag. They almost killed me when I was found by uncle but I survived after being in coma for a month. I was not sure I would be alive after being kidnapped but thank God I came alive " she said as if she was reliving every moment that happened.
" You are so strong Nainika. More than you ever know. You are a true inspiration. I don't know how to thank you for coming into my life " I said genuinely feeling proud of her. I kissed the hand which were holding me and tears escaped her eyes. She was still looking at me without any emotions.
Is there more to know?
" You need to hear this out Sunayn but after knowing full truth you will leave me " she said making me confused. I don't know what she was going to say but my heart beat increased with each passing second.
" I am infertile Sunayn. I cannot bear any child. While hitting me they beat me badly on the stomach area due to which there was heavy blood loss. Doctors did various tests and said that I cannot be a mother as there are only one percent chance out of hundred. I accepted the truth and it would be better if you too accept it and leave me before anything happens " she said tears rolling down her cheeks and I can say how much pain she is carrying in her heart.
I don't know what to say. I don't know how to react. I don't know how to make her feel better. I don't know how to receive the recent information. I don't know to convince myself. I let out a frustrated sign and took my hand away from her. I wanted solitude. I want to be alone and think through all these. I cannot be with her and make her feel even more sad.
" Do not cry okay. Wh..what you said I got it okay. I got it. You..you should rest now. Alright. I will leave now. Take enough rest. I will come by later " I said and got up slowly to leave while she sat there unmoving.
" You no need to come and see me Sunayn. I can understand what you might be thinking. I seriously do. It is one of the reason I did not want to see you and hide from you. You can have your life as you wish. Don't feel bad about me " she said. She rubbed her tear stained eyes and got up.
She followed me till the maindoor but didn't utter a word and her face was emotionless.
I waved my hand but she just smiled and closed the door. I stood outside for a long time remembering about each word she uttered and could not make out how to approach her again. And on top of that how should I confront her confession.
After that evening I did not contact her or met her. I was busy spending time with my family but inside I was dying with regret for not contacting her. She might have felt that I don't have humanity but I cannot come to a conclusion about what and how to start a conversation.
I would sleep in my bed but her tear filled face would appear making me restless.
She said she cannot have children. Does that really have to do anything with my love I developed for her? Do I need a child who will prove my love towards her? If I was in her state would she accept me? Hell yes. Then why am I being so self-centered freak?
And also she said there is one percent chance of her getting pregnant. I can rely on that one percent. Can't I? I can surely. Then what if she cannot have children. I don't care. What about the people around me?
I. Do. Not. Care.
Yes. That is it. I want Nainika the way she is. I cannot make her change according to my willing. If she is barren. Then so be it. I will accept her the way she is.

Nainika's POV:

When he left the only best thing I could do was just plop on my bed and close my eyes. After the revelation I was exhausted. I was physically and mentally exhausted. All these years of waiting to share about me to him had come to an end. No matter what I will accept the decision he will take. After all it is his life and he can choose whatever is best for him and I want him to be the best.
A week passed by like this. Staying at home and taking rest. Going for regular checkups and all.
I was completely alright now and my hand is also normal now.
I got ready to office as usual and went after having breakfast.
" How are you ma'am? " Seema asked as soon as she saw me.
" Well good morning to you too " I said looking at her and she clicked her tongue.
" Good morning ma'am and how are you feeling now? " She asked again.
" I was never fine before. Now I think I am good " I said thinking about Sunayn and Seema looked at me with confusion.
" Now let me know the schedule for today " I said enthusiastically and I missed office dearly. It was the only way for me to escape my problems and being away from office for this long made me a zombie without any work.
It was a good day with work when I was checking my notepad about any updates and I remembered about the meeting which was spoiled by Mr. Sharma.
" Seema can you arrange the meeting tomorrow and let everyone know. And remember no... " I was about to say when she interrupted.
" Mr Sharma.  Right ma'am? " She chuckled and I nodded with a smile.
I genuinely missed her all these days. Even though we are different, sometimes it's like she is my friend who understands me.
Mr Shahi appeared and discussed with me regarding the present project and recent updates I missed. I assured him that I will look the file he kept on my table. This old man is a workaholic I thought and sighed.
" Seema can you please order me a coffee? My head is aching badly " I said holding my head. Due to the incident my head seems to be paining occasionally. When I said this to the doctor he adviced me to not think too much and take medices. I latter one I do regularly but the former one is difficult. No matter how much I avoid I keep thinking about him.
If I sit on the sofa I remember how he embraced me. How he knelt and held my hands. If I drink coffee I remember how he said I should not be doing anything in that condition. Everything reminds me of him nowadays.
" It would be better if you make it two. Thank you " he said and I thought I am  hallucinating as I am constantly thinking about him. So I just kept looking at the file in front of me.
" Sure sir " Seema said and looked at him and I was shocked to see her leaving.
She said sir. It means she could see and hear him. Which literally means he is here.
" Are you for real? " I asked.

So all the secrets are revealed. Now onwards no secrets.
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