I Didn't Change My Number - Sequel

6

bil's pov:

I saw her post that she's getting her morning coffee from Dunkin' and I, surprisingly and so conveniently, happened to be heading there too. I totally didn't plan this just to see her again.

My face looks better than last night. Finneas cuddled me and gave me ice for my sore eyes. I slept in his room because I couldn't stand being next to Jesse after yesterday.

I hear someone clear their throat behind me and I snapped out, looking back.

"Oh, h-hey!" I stutter then rub my face aggressively. "You can't stop stuttering, huh? What the fuck are you doing here?" Chen asks.

I smiled and shook my head, "Would I sound crazy and creepy if I said that I'm here to see you?" I asked, shifting in my stance because of how nervous I was about being caught and about confessing my true intentions. "Kinda." She said, trying to hide a smile. I smiled and saw her lips curl up slightly, but then went back to being neutral.

"How are you?" I asked, fixing my posture. "I was having a good morning." She said, sitting down. "Why do you say that?" I ask. She rolled her eyes and sarcastically said, "Oh, I wonder why?"

"Chanel, please." I pleaded. She gave me a look and I could see how she wanted to just break right then and there, but she stood her ground. I'm really proud of what she's grown up to be, but it's not being helpful right now. "What, Billie? What do you want me to do? Pretend that everything's fine? Well, it isn't. I don't even know how you have the audacity to talk to me so casually!"

"Chanel! I've been trying to apologize, but you won't hear me out." I said, frustrated. "Yes, I won't! Because I didn't have a fucking word in that horrible, inhumane breakup!" She brings it up again.

"Fuck, I already feel guilty enough for leaving you! I left Jesse this morning!" I said, hoping that this would get her to be a little softer with me. "Okay? and do you want a donut for that or what?" She asks sarcastically. I grunted and sat down. "Sit down, please."

"I won't-", "Chanel, I still love you! Please, let me speak..." I said, throwing my last card. I saw her face soften and her anger slowly slipping away. Her tense shoulders relaxed and she looked at the empty chair in front of me for a second, then pulled it and sat down. She placed her Birkin on the table and crossed her arms.

"Thank you." I said, pulling my chair closer and leaning my elbows on the table, leaning my body forward, towards her. I took a deep breath before I spoke, "What I did to you was messed up. I'm really, really sorry. Words can't explain what I've went through, holding you in my arms as you laid in them almost lifeless. It was terrifying, Chen. I had to go to therapy for years to get over that scene. And I still get flashbacks and nightmares every now and then. Everytime I visited you at the hospital, it would just play over and over again. The whole memory of finding you bleeding, helpless, dying... on the fucking floor. It killed me, Chen. I couldn't do it to myself anymore, I was actually starting to lose my mind. It wasn't the best decision I ever took, I admit that, but it saved me from killing myself..." I said as a few tears slipped.

Chanel was crying as I kept speaking,

"But I've always, always fucking loved you. Every single day of my life, from the moment I met you. Staying in that relationship would've killed me, you need to understand, bunny! I almost turned to doing coke... I lost my fucking mind in those months. I'm so sorry, I swear if I could take it back I will... and I would've even stayed stronger for you. I would've tried harder for you. Even though I lost myself waiting for you to wake up and smile at me again... I never, ever stopped loving you, Chen." I sobbed, holding her hand. We both sobbed.

"I can't bring myself to hate you, Billie... Even after everything that's happened. I still love you too." Chen croaked out. My eyes lit up and I chuckled in disbelief. "Y-You really do?" I asked, smiling widely while my tears kept streaming down my face. "But we can't be together... We just can't... I realized it'll hurt a lot of people, and especially my daughter."