Unthinkable (GL Thai - Ghost Ship)

Special Part - Orm's Letter

This is Orm and this letter is for Ying's eyes only.

Ying, this letter may come in a shock to you as I told you to edit the novel but I secretly write this just for you.

I want to start this with light words of gratitude. I want to say that I'm truly grateful for your presence. I wish you know how much I appreaciate the times you listen to me and my weird thoughts and point of views without passing any judgement. You are a really good listener and I know that you pay attention to everything I say, even the weird, random and non-relevant stuff. This shows how thoughtful you are as person, something that I really admire of you.

On the otherhand, I thank you for challenging my perspectives, those are the times that I'm mad at you but at the same time grateful that you open my mind to other ideas. I thank you for being so generous on sharing your thoughts. I'm honored to meet and converse to someone so eloquent and intelligent but not thrasonical. You always held your head high but still grounded to your core. You fully gained my respect because of that and again, I admire that of you.

In this letter, I also want to fully open up to you and let you have a glimpse to my very own room 19. *this is in reference with THE ROOM 19 OF EACH OF US — you may look it up if not familiar*

As you already know, I'm 'No Boyfriend/Girlfriend since Birth'  and I couldn't care less about it. I don't really care but when people question me about it, I start thinking of the all the possible reason. Infact, there came a point that I listed out all of the possible reason and examine them one by one, and I have come up with my own conclusion. The answer may not be obvious but it's not because I am naive with romance and love. Our household is filled with my parents love and affection. I'm not naive. I know the face of love and romance as I have constant reminder at home. Some say, its because I'm asexual, this one I laugh because I know now that I am not. I think many have said about my sexuality and my background just to make sense of me being single at my age but for me, the conclusion that I have is simple...really simple.

Hmm... also, I have phobia with needle and blood. I always say that I don't know the reason why but that is me being lazy to explain to everyone. Truth is, I was so sick during childhood that I have to stay at the hospital all the time. I don't want you to picture it but I had lukemia as a child. I had multiple surgery and survived it but the fear of the needles and endless blood transfusion still haunts me. I don't remember most of my childhood because of that
and the little that I could remember is the pain and agony and my silent prayers every chemotheraphy and blood transfusion that I pray that I will be cured and see myself grow old with someone that I can call 'love'. Thats why I know, deep within me that I truly desire love since I was a kid and that remains the same as I get older. I still want to grow old with someone that I love.

Being said all of that, allow me to share one more thing about me —- maybe you are asking why I am telling this through letter and not face to face? Well, I express myself better in writing than speaking about it. My words when spoken tends to sound comedic and fun but the words that I'm about tell you in this part of the letter is something that I dig deep in my heart that I want you take gently and with care. Ying, you open my mind to different ideology and I cannot believe that I found someone that made me feel so comfortable to share part of my life just like the story of Room 19. With this, I discern that you not only opened up my soul but you also unlocked my heart. I like you, Ying. No, not the kind of like of friendship but there is something within that I feel deeply connected to you. I would even dare to say that I feel and I can see my future with you.

To make it much clear...

What I really want to say is that...I love you, Ying. No other words to describe what I feel about you than the word love itself. If there is a greater word than love then that is the word I shall speak to you. My conclusion to never ending question of why I haven't feel the so called love before ...it is because of sole simple reason that I haven't met you yet.

There I said it, I love you.

The weight is lifted to me that I finally said my truth and I hope my truth will not be a burden to you. I don't want to assume anything further or insist anything to you. I just really want you to know what I feel. I have no other expectation or what so ever.

I understand that you may feel indifferent upon reading this or you may feel the need to reply but if you read this letter and don't feel the same way, as embarassing as it is, I don't need a direct rejection. Just pretend that you did not read this and focus on editing the novel. Do not mention about this letter. Don't ever feel sorry that you cannot reciprocate the love because having you as my first love and feeling the love that I have right now is enough for me.

Again, I'm honored and grateful to share my room 19 with you, my first ever love Ying.

-Orm