Awake, and Unafraid (Frerard, Rikey)

Thinking These horrid things

Mikey's pov

We pulled into the driveway of our new house. It wasn't a bad house, it was actually pretty nice. Gerard was zoned out and mom was chatting away with Dad on the phone. I decide to get out of the car and go into the back yard. A pretty nice yard, with woods in the back. Although there is a huge fence running horizontal across the yards. Kind of ruins the cliché family setting.

I sit down, leaning on a big tree. We now live in a pretty big plan. It's not like one of those "rich" plans as people say, but we have everything we need.

I honestly hated the fact we were moving. I was going to be far away from Josh. Josh is perfect. He has gorgeous hair, on the longer side, and it's black. He has deep blue eyes. They are like a blue ocean with light dancing in the water. I get lost inside them sometimes. It's strange though, he says he has a "girlfriend" but he told me that he's confused about his sexuality. He tells me everything. But now that we're far away we most likely wont talk a lot. Which breaks my heart. He was the guy I was in love with.

I tried to explain these feelings to Gerard, but he told me that love was just something in the mind. He was always so soft about this love thing. I never really understood that. Love was love, you can't just say it's not real. I guess Gerard just hates it.

Well, he hated most things.

I hate everything right now. Even Gerard. Wow, I'm even starting to sound like him. Of course he's my brother and I'd take a bullet for him but I think he's happy for once that we're moving. If I were him I would be happy too. He did get beat up alot in our old town.

Gerard worries me a lot. He doesn't really have any friends. Except me, and Gwen. Gwen, she's something. Something annoying. He's also severely depressed. He's suicidal too. The day I found that out was horrid.

*flashback*

I walked into his room, his door was open.

"Gee? Dinners ready!" I call.

He was nowhere in sight.

I walk around the room, but something caught my eye.

On his desk was his drawing pad. The first page was blank. It usually was never blank. It usually had something he had been working on.

"I shouldn't worry about this but why is it bothering me so?" I ask myself out loud.

I flipped to the next page. I was a picture of a rope.

What?

I was hesitant to flip to the next page, but I had too. The rope was tied into those two knots. Like the suicide knots.

The next page

A hand holding the rope.

I feel my stomach churn.

The next page

A tree with the rope tied to it.

What that fuck?

I felt my body uncontrollably shaking

The next page

A black figure hanging from the tree.

It was the tree at the park. The place he loved the most.

The next page

A zoom up to the figure

It was Gerard.

I stumbled back, and let out a low screech.

I flipped to the next page. It was a note.